Call of Cthulhu, 3/8

“See, you guys have heard of the face on Mars, right?”
“Clearly, this is the other end.”
“The butthole of Australia.”

“Also, aren’t there three monsters right over there that are going to interfere with all the planning?”

“They’re capricious.”
“I’m sorry, what?”
“Sometimes dangerous.”
“Imminently shootable.”

“You have large, meaty, country-ham-sized fists!”
“Excuse me, I’m French. My fists are not country-ham-sized. They’re – ”
“Baguette sized?”

“Can you convince them to leave? Or better yet, can you convince them to take the bomb to the poop hole?”

“We can talk to them.”
“That’s literally what I just said. Those are literally the words that are coming out of my mouth.”

“Oh, it’s grown a weapon. I was hoping it was growing a tennis racket.”

“You don’t need a high number. You just need faith in your dice.”

“Nobody puts Stanley in a box.”

“Guy was forced into the box.”
“Yes. Because we didn’t push him into the box.”
“Because I was on the other side of a lightning field.”

“So you pulled it out of your ass.”
“No, we pulled it out of that ass.”

“I’m trying to decide whether or not to tell them that they recommended killing the Frenchman for success. Because the party may just say, ‘Okay.'”

“Now that we’re done with the cheshire faeries…”

“I think he’s drunk.”
“He might just be sober.”
“I’m not sure which is worse.”

“What is it when you roll exactly twice your skill number?”

“You’re playing Call of Cthulhu. Your character is almost dead.”

“So there are a bunch of people in a pit, and you want to throw dynamite into it.”
“I don’t know that they’re people.”

“Is that – ”
“Oh. I thought it was chloroform.”

“Do you want me to knock her out?”
“You mean assault her?”
“I knocked you out when you were hysterical.”
“You assaulted me!”

“Why are you whispering?”
“I’ve been told I’m very loud for a Frenchman.”

“You’re very accommodating. Have people told you that before? Because it seems to be new.”

“You can talk normal.”
“Not that normal.”

“Will dynamiting it destroy it or make it angry?”
“I don’t care. Dynamite it.”

“I’m here to throw dynamite and eat pancakes, and I’m out of pancakes.”
“I’m gluten-intolerant.”

“I was saving it for the butthole.”

“The fact that the butthole was deemed un-blow-up-able by three nether beings does not reassure me that it’s un-blow-up-able.”

“He only asked for the dynamite; he didn’t ask for the fuses. Some people!”

“…And now the Frenchman’s naked.”

“Just focus on making bacon, and it’ll get you past all the screaming and the smell.”

“We should argue about whether we go clockwise or counter-clockwise.”
“We’re going counter-clockwise.”

“You’re English, dammit. Say anti-clockwise.”
“You’re French. Stop arguing with me.”

“Having morals always seems like something I want my characters to do, but I always fail.”

“Walk like a cultist.”

“Yeah, I know. You people have done nothing but bitch about my homeland.”
“Have you seen it?”

“Are you going to say that every time we encounter something now?”
“Yes, because you people are weird.”

“In the middle of the area, there’s a massive cone.”
“I bet that’s the jar.”
“I bet that’s a polyp.”
“I bet that’s sand.”

“Guy, go check it out.”
“Guy, don’t go check it out!”

“Why don’t we throw dynamite down there, and then leave Australia?”

“But guys… I got fixed.”
“Did you? Did you?”
“I’m not sure. I hadn’t thought about that.”
“Why don’t you think about that?”

“Why is that breaking Kacey? That is literally the most obvious joke you can make.”
“I don’t know! I think it was the delivery…”

“We’re in a cave in the middle of the desert. Where did you find ice?”
“Remember the refrigerator in the house you burned down?”
“The one Stanley went into for five years?”

“I kept my shit together. Granted, I didn’t have it all that together to begin with…”

“No, he was remarkably sane for an alien.”

“You know, you do a lot of your best work when you’re unconscious and the rest of the party is in trouble.”

Category(s): Call of Cthulhu 7th Edition

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