“I made note of your advice last time, Kevin – ‘Do more good than harm.’ I’m curious how I’m going to derange it over the next few weeks.”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
“Do you need me to lay hands on you?”
\n“Touch me and I’ll break your hands twice.”<\/p>\n
“YAY! Pork rind and butter strikes again!”<\/p>\n
“If I touch someone, can I pass on the healing to them?”
\n“No. And dogs don’t go to heaven, so you know.”
\n“Is that because they can’t die in battle with honor?”<\/p>\n
“I defer to your expert knowledge of the area.”
\n“Are you mocking me?”
\n“No… I’m deferring to their expert knowledge of the area, not yours.”<\/p>\n
“They bring out a brightly colored hat that looks like a sombrero mated with a rainbow.”<\/p>\n
“Now, aren’t you glad you went into that arcane tower?”
\n“Ran into it. Mostly. I was escaping shadows. And curiosity.”<\/p>\n
“Well, yes. I need a hat to annoy the dwarf.”
\n“Mine’s big enough to share.”<\/p>\n
“I’m really confused whether we’re having a real or a metaphorical conversation. Like, is the ‘nothing’ a real thing, or…?”<\/p>\n
“‘Are those human-hide boots?’ ‘Well, technically they were ghouls…'”<\/p>\n
“No, the best thing about human-hide boots is they just feel like wearing your feet. Like barefoot boots!”<\/p>\n
“They’re fish calzones, god damn it.”<\/p>\n
“They’re past-ies, not paste-ies.”<\/p>\n
“What do the cobblestones feel like?”
\n“Cobbled stone.”
\n“Damn. I was hoping it would feel like age… and history… and maybe a little damp…”<\/p>\n
“Is there a ventriloquism skill? Can I mix that with my whisper spell?”<\/p>\n
“Aren’t ravens a good sign?”
\n“They whisper secrets in Odin’s ear.”
\n“So do I! Well, not Odin’s ear…”<\/p>\n
“See, I cast confusion. It’s fully a verbal spell.”
\n“That wasn’t a spell. That’s just you.”<\/p>\n
“She’s an evil spellcaster and a good baker.”
\n“I’m a neutral spellcaster and a terrible baker.”<\/p>\n
“Look, I only care about number 3. There are at least 2 people better than me, so I’m number 3.”<\/p>\n
“Hey, I don’t believe in bad touch.”
\n“Bad touch believes in you…”<\/p>\n
“That’s a healer; it is not your meat shield.”<\/p>\n
“Yeah, there’s a lot of poor parental decision-making in Barovia right now.”<\/p>\n
“So you can take the stuffed animals off your sheet and put the children on.”<\/p>\n
“Oh! Trinkets! I love trinkets!”
\n“Have I shown you my mysterious spoon?”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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