“Well, party’s dead.”
\n“It took longer than we expected.”
\n“I’m trying!”
\n“We know.”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
“Is that like a payment in advance?”
\n“It’s more a retainer for damages about to be incurred.”<\/p>\n
“You’re going to regret that.”
\n“That seems unlikely.”<\/p>\n
“I told you, I can read people! Like a book. I rolled a 0.”<\/p>\n
“How much did he pay you?”
\n“Two gold.”
\n“Half a kid?”<\/p>\n
“You’re going to pay him and then go beat people up?”
\n“It’s hard to find quality people to beat up in this town.”<\/p>\n
“He’s in the… place I just forgot the name for.”
\n“I like ‘coffinarium.'”
\n“Let’s go with ‘coffin haus.'”<\/p>\n
“What if we have an urgent need for a coffin?”<\/p>\n
“Coffinarium or dinner?”
\n“Why not both?”
\n“Uh… I don’t think the coffinarium serves dinner.”<\/p>\n
“I cast detect meat.”<\/p>\n
“I have to fit you for them! We have to make sure they fit your persona! We have to make sure they look good when you punch people in the face.”<\/p>\n
“It was a whole thing. We went through a whole conversation about not using sentient beings as boots.”<\/p>\n
“How much does humiliation cost? I’m building a price list.”<\/p>\n
“I wouldn’t know what to tell a commoner.”
\n“Oh, I’m not common; I’m actually quite unusual.”<\/p>\n
“…And if I pay 4 gold to a witch, I can get a child. How much to spit on your shoe?”<\/p>\n
“It’s just spit. It’s not like I walked up and punched them in the face.”<\/p>\n
“Look, you’re not worth more than a chair, sir. Not until I can sit upon you.”<\/p>\n
“You know, if we had two corpses, we could probably get into the coffin maker quickly.”<\/p>\n
“We could probably follow the smell of the urine, but I’m honestly not that concerned.”<\/p>\n
“I’m trying to get to know you without punching you again.”
\n“I appreciate that. I’m still sore from last time.”<\/p>\n
“Do we have relationship issues over these potatoes?”
\n“I just think you’re missing out.”<\/p>\n
“Turn into a purple were-potato and you’ll be fine. I’ll have no interest in you.”<\/p>\n
“I have a coffin – I mean, a corpse. I need a coffin. I’m in the Gravedigger’s Guild.”<\/p>\n
“You’re a cobbler, right? You can cobble that back together.”
\n“What? No! I’m so offended right now!”<\/p>\n
“The body of Christ is not gluten-free.”<\/p>\n
“Everyone loves the wizard! He’s so great, he’s so great…”<\/p>\n
“It’s a tarp!”
\n“No, that’s stealth technology.”
\n“High-level stealth technology!”<\/p>\n
“Let’s see… I’ve got detect magic web, light…”
\n“Detect magic web?”<\/p>\n
“You should get a DM achievement for mind-controlling someone to Suggest someone else.”<\/p>\n
“There are bigger numbers on these dice than 12s. I keep checking.”<\/p>\n
“Seriously, in about five minutes, this combat is going to devolve into insults.”
\n“No, in about five minutes, this combat is going to devolve into Christmas in World War I.”<\/p>\n
“Radiant damage is people!”<\/p>\n
“We’ll go with shin, because I don’t think your foot has 12 hit points.”
\n“Sure it does. There go six toes…”<\/p>\n
“So after this, do you curb stomp him?”
\n“You can curb stomp the ashes, I guess.”<\/p>\n
“Look, there were two things. One, don’t get stabbed, and two, watch him. You didn’t get stabbed; you got 50% of that.”<\/p>\n
“We’re locking you in a closet every night. Something is going to come out of you.”
\n“Yeah, unbridled creativity in footwear!”<\/p>\n
“Dude, I have no idea how much a coffin costs. Is it in the Player’s Handbook?”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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