“You basically had to have the mental powers of a stage magician to mind-control us.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
“And I stroked the curtains the whole way.”
\n“Sometimes even with your hands.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“One question into the interrogation\u2026”
\n“And he’s already got me. Yeah.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Maybe it’s the quest we have to destroy him – I mean, HELLO, WHAT A LOVELY PLACE SETTING.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“What kind of host would he be if he poisoned his guests?”
\n“A vampire! He’s a vampire!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“He brought you pancake syrup!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“You’re seriously wanting to become the cobbler to the Count?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I think he brought us here to harm us, because you don’t prepare entertainments with quotes around it unless you intend to hurt someone.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“The point is, I’m not legally allowed to dance; I don’t have a license.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Oh, I thought this was Footloose.”
\n“Right, it’s the remake of Footloose that everyone always allowed – with vampires.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“You know, I like Gil Fishman. He was an example to us all\u2026 of how not even a Wish spell can get you respect from your friends.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I don’t think he’s ‘Mad Dog’ Strahd.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I haven’t studied vampiric interior decorating.”
\n“You mean fang shui?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“To be fair, paper doesn’t fare well against most elemental attacks. I mean, I haven’t tried it against necrotic damage\u2026”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I asked if the food was safe; I didn’t ask if the house was safe. Stupid, stupid, stupid.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Are you going to Shatter?”
\n“Well, that depends on how we count radius.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“So we can huddle up like two platonic friends taking a nap and be out of the radius?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“That’s okay – I had a complex plan involving Web\u2026”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Well, I was going to delay the reaction, because I don’t think it helps to web all the bricks and not get you\u2026”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I hand him a beet.”
\n“What?”
\n“I got a beet from somewhere; it’s on my character sheet. I hand it to him.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I prepare to hand him the beet.”
\n“That has to be the weirdest readied action ever.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I’m not saying you went the wrong direction; I’m saying you went a direction I didn’t prepare for.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“The master mentioned there’d be openings for more servants soon! I can see why!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“It’s ok – he wouldn’t have told you anything.”
\n“And he wouldn’t take my beet.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I don’t trust fog. You can’t touch it. Usually you can smell it. You can’t see through it.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I’m used to my bones being bleeped.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Nobody said it had to be in one piece.”
\n“I think the dragon wants it back in one piece.”
\n“We have glue.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Maybe we should not dispel the house from the basement. Maybe it’s a load-bearing enchantment.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“We need a tarp!”
\n“The ultimate cloaking technology!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“So, why are we trying to cover the dragon’s skull? Who are we trying to fool?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Sweet. So it turns out it’s not as easy as walking in, taking what we wanted, and walking right back out\u2026”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Well, you just have to cast a limited Shatter\u2026”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Everyone grab a side of the skull and let’s do that thing where we run really fast, but don’t go anywhere until we suddenly shoot off.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I didn’t think there was a fucking Ravenloft Uber.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I already made that joke.”
\n“I know. I was just showing you that a better delivery can make it fall not quite as flat.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Unless it was another dragon. They’d probably be like, ‘Hey, man, those guys have Dave’s head!'”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Oh, so if it’s looking eastward\u2026 the statue has a head?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“So there’s no law against dancing without a license – they just told you that to get you to stop dancing?”
\n“Yes!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I thought you were legitimately a dancer and we were assholes!”
\n“No! I legitimately made a bad dancer!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“You cannot be redeemed with all that loot and XP in your body\u2026”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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