“For reference, it’s always my birthday and I’ve always got a new job.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
“Cut the cake, or you’re always going to breathe water!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“So is my birthday gift to not have people heckle me for my powers\u2026?”
\n“Whoa, whoa, whoa.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Your friend might know who did it, or your friend might have done it?”
\n“Well\u2026”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Why you gotta put labels on everything?”
\n“Because I’m the Labeler.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Tommy is the fun one.”
\n“Tommy IS the fun one. He likes bacon.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“And you brought pizza.”
\n“Well, I guess since I’m being typecast, sure.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Bryan knows I’ll just let innocents die to preserve my dignity.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Would you breathe water for a Klondike bar?”
\n“No.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“So I roll down the window\u2026 and reach into my pocket, and throw 87 cents at him, in the hopes he’ll slip.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“In DC traffic no less, he’s avoiding the Scorpion.”
\n“I thought this was Marvel?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Make, uh\u2026 what would that be?”
\n“A stupidity roll?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Try not to wreck my car. I know I told you to drive, but now I’m regretting it.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“That’s the thing about this group – we don’t require you to be an expert with the rules, or even be familiar with them.”
\n“What are dice?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Yeah, I’m about to destroy some property.”
\n“Yeah, that’s MY property!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Did you say buttloads or boatloads?”
\n“Boatloads. C’mon. Boatloads.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“It turns out that property is a transitive property, and I’m choosing to transfer it right here.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“It’s surprisingly not difficult to hit a bridge if you want to.”
\n“I said I was going to fail to not hit something.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Humans always butt-dialing me\u2026”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Actually, yes. I have the most advanced communications array on or near Earth. But I was built in 1945.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Seriously, it’s a 50-50 chance whether he was here and he did it, or whether he wasn’t here and we blame him for it anyway.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Don’t you kinda have to be a ninja to teach ninjas?”
\n“No. Those who can’t, teach. This is well-established.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Can you give me directions?”
\n“Yes, where are you?”
\n“I’m next to the bridge I almost hit.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Has he been declawed?”
\n“Fuck. I’m gonna have to reroll that character.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“You have death. A lot of death.”
\n“Kill-bot!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Wait, it was Tommy that drove the car to the therapist, but you’re Tyler when you leave. Are you taking the bus?”
\n“Yes.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“If it was urgent, I would have taken an Uber.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“That was weird.”
“What, the gunshot or the hell?!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“It’s crowded. It’s loud.”
\n“This is better than hell!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“‘I asexually reproduce, but I like to have fun!’ That needs to be a conversation starter for you.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“‘My genital anatomy isn’t compatible with humans, but I like to try!'”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I like oxygen.”
“Do you like beer?”
“If I’m drinking it! I do not want to go in the dunk tank.”
“All right, buddy. I’m cutting you off.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I expect that from him, but you should know by now that you don’t have to say – “
\n“Tell me that anything good has come from the followers of the Christ.”
\n“\u2026”
\n“You shut him down!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“You say ‘Tezkatlipoka,’ and the Morrigan turns to you and says, ‘Cuddly pooka?'”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Oh, you’re stealing his powers? I forgot you had that!”
\n“He’s not just fondling him!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Why am I Irish? You took my ethnicity!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“‘Can I see your resume?’ ‘No, but you can see my character sheet\u2026'”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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