“This time, we did it right.”
\n“This time, we’re facing arson charges.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
“So there are five of us standing in the yard\u2026”
\n“But we remember there being six of us, right?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“They have placed multiple Easter eggs full of arguably the hottest material on Earth\u2026”
\n“Possibly other planets.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“You have ruined Easter, because you can see where all the eggs are hidden.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“House fires don’t normally spawn mushroom clouds\u2026”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“If you’re going to boil the hell out of anything, you can do it back at that house\u2026”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Okay, so WikiHow does have a guide\u2026 but before you can make the water, you need holy salt.”
\n“Is that what you scrape off the Jesus bread?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Look, consecrated is consecrated. Nowhere in WikiHow does it say that it has to be consecrated to Jesus and not Moses.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Look, Padre, I don’t mean to offend, but we don’t know which god we’re dealing with. This is consecrated\u2026”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I’m between dimensions right now.”
\n“You’re between dementias right now?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Are you going to make the holy water now?”
\n“No!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“We have gone beyond the line.”
\n“Really? That’s where you’re drawing the line?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Did they have a springhouse?”
\n“The house was there in spring, winter, summer, and fall.”
\n“That’s not what a springhouse is, but ok\u2026”
\n“How does Rick know that?!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I’m going to call my backchannel and find out how to really make holy water.”
\n“First you take some holy salt and some Topochico\u2026”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“So the point here is power washer, so whether or not it’s holy holy water, it’s still stripping skin off.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I have to go, because Rick blessed his engine.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“How much do I owe you before you leave?”
\n“Refill. The. Candy. Machine.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Well, it kind of slides around in your mouth\u2026 at first it doesn’t want to go down\u2026”
\n“Ugh, is this Jaeger?”
\n“And then it really wants to go down.”
\n“It’s definitely Jaeger.”
\n“Have you ever swallowed a slug?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“My cover story is that I’m here to gawk!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Of all the things they suspect me of, it’s probably not arsonist.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Also, Father, I think there’s something you should know.”
\n“Yes?”
\n“Drugs are bad.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Is that Mark, or did you find somebody else?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Why would you know what Jaeger brewed in butthole tastes like?”
\n“I’m theorizing.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“No, he had stubble. He was between shaves.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“We should go back to the Burrito Hut.”
\n“With an unconscious man in the back of the truck?”
\n“Yep. I’m hungry.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Mark! Markmarkmarkmarkmark! C’mon!”
\n“Are you calling a dog?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Did you eat a bird?”
\n“I don’t think that was me\u2026”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I said I understand you a little better.”
\n“Oh. Well, that’s not as impressive.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Was it today?”
\n“Yes, because I saw you.”
\n“Well, if it was today, you don’t understand me at all.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Some people call it gardening. We call it decorating.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Some people can’t handle that many worms.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“The funny thing is, you’d think that when you were falling towards the planet, you’d be scared. I wasn’t scared. I was busy.”
\n“What were you busy doing?”
\n“There was a planet!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“It’s a hole in the ground – how can you make it worse?”
\n“Challenge accepted.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I am not prepared to deal with things flying away. I’m still with ‘we got waders to go into the sewer to see if anything lined up, and we didn’t do that.'”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“It’d be a place to put all the shit, wouldn’t it?”
\n“Yes, that is rather what sewers are for.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“And it’s a lot less conspicuous than all of us showing up for a third time. Someone’s going to notice yet.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I’m thinking I’m going to get out my waders and I’m going to bedazzle them.”
\n“That’s a great idea.”
\n“You want to come over and bedazzle with us?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Somewhere tonight, Rick started being Southern, and it’s just gotten worse.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“This is easily the most comfortable couch you’ve been on in at least one hundred, two hundred years.”
\n“Was this couch always this comfortable?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“You know, it is possible for this to just be a bad idea. That is possible.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Yeah, when you take your holy water into the sewer, you have to boil the shit out of it, along with boiling the hell out of it.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Space me saw no drain.”
\n“\u2026That sentence took a moment to process.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“We could sell them!”
\n“We could! Do you think there’s a market for bedazzled waders?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Are there holy water dowsing rods?”
\n“You know more about dowsing rods than me.”
\n“Dowsing rods work really well. We proved it.”
\n“I was there.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Look, I don’t spend a lot of time welding in the sewer, ok?”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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