“You’re a funeral crasher?”
\n“Sort of. They probably needed a hug.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
“They didn’t have it at his church, because it was a nice affair.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“You started this! Literally, this is your fault.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“It’s only burned down three times! It’s gotten better.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I only had to throw out one weird thing, and look where we got\u2026”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“How do we test for fish?”
\n“You give it to that woman, and if she dies\u2026”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Your ancestors were in Salem, weren’t they? If you throw her in the river and she dies, she wasn’t a witch.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Yeah, we were out of antacids, so I was pushing antihistamines. I was telling them they were the same thing.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Don’t push the antihistamines.”
\n“Okay, I’ll go back to pushing the Phillip’s Milk of Magnesium.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I’m answering the phone. I have one job: vaccuuming.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Hey Anders, the girls want you to exorcise a field of ghost fish, and they’re having corn for dinner.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Well, they expect people to work more than three hours a week.”
\n“And that kind of cramps my style.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“It’s been six months; did you get a promotion?”
\n“Well\u2026 I don’t work the waffle maker anymore. And that’s all we’re going to say about that.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I’m sorry, I forgot where I was going with that.”
\n“Oh, I can’t necessarily say we’re going anywhere.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“So you’re grooving on your stain\u2026”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I’ll be a minute! I think it was something I ate!”
\n“Well, that’s weird. I haven’t serviced a machine in weeks.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I don’t think I can make my eyes make noise when I roll them\u2026”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“The barter system in Undisclosed is cookie-based.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Are you trying to look cool, or are you trying to drive smoothly?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I love how you’re mad when I wreck MY car.”
\n“I don’t know, as much free work as he’s done on it, it might as well be his car.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“In spite of all expectations to the contrary, I do go back to the Waffle Hut.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“And then I’m going to check the roof, in case anyone threw a swordfish up there.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“You know how you test a roof for leaks, right? You use a hose.”
\n“Well, that’s probably better than what I was going to say – pee on it.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“So the swamp needs Milk of Magnesia.”
\n“You could always give it antihistamines; I hear that’s the same thing.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Do you want to see the swamp now or after the corn?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Look, fish don’t have souls.”
\n“There’s sole of fish at the grocery store!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I will say a blessing as sarcastically as possible, punctuating each paragraph with a squirt of the super-soaker.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“This is a very odd discussion we’ve gotten into.”
\n“Is anything normal about this group?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Well, what do you call that?”
\n“Mist.”
\n“It’s the souls of the fish escaping!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“So you’re saying the swamp is unholy?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I should have known that – I dated your sister.”
\n“And I hired you anyway.”
\n“And I appreciate that.”
\n“It was meant to be a punishment.”
\n“It has been.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“She was alive when I took her home\u2026”
\n“Wow, Rick is a serial killer! Did anyone else get that?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I mean, you did steal a corpse.”
\n“That’s not the same thing as killing someone!”
\n“Thank you, Noah.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Big Lou isn’t so much a criminal as\u2026 someone that does stuff that’s unpopular\u2026 with some people?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Kevin and and I are on the same page: we’re gonna go burn down Roger’s house down again.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I’m kind of afraid to start the car and there be fish in the gas tank or something.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“That was me, and as some of us are just finally getting the full depth of our eyebrows back, I stand by my statement.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“So see, told you. Fish migrate.”
\n“Through solid concrete?!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“We should dig up her body and see – “
\n“Noo.”
\n“If her grave is full of fish.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Fish are appearing in people’s stomachs, fish are coming up through his floor\u2026 someone’s stomach must be under his floor.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I should check on Melissa and see if she has a fish in her stomach?”
\n“We could cut her open!”
\n“No. Please don’t bring the welding torch\u2026”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“So we need a dolphin. Or a bat. Or the ultrasound out of the back of an ambulance.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“So I’m going to take out a small bottle of holy water and do the same thing I did at the swamp.”
\n“Only less sarcastically?”
\n“At least 50% less sarcastically. Because this is edging over into a scientific experiment.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“What’ve you been eating?”
\n“Waffles\u2026”
\n“That’s weird, because you’re throwing up fish.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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