“Oh! Is tonight neighborhood arson night?”
“What you fail to understand is that every night is neighborhood arson night; we just keep doing really bad at celebrating it.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
“Dude, I already just penciled you in for one of our running in-jokes for why someone is late to the session.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“You know, there was a lot of tackling Steve during our relationship.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“There’s a difference between aiding and kidnapping.”
“A very slight difference.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Animated dead people.”
“They weren’t so much animated as dancing to rock music. Well, it was more twitching, like something out of a Michael Jackson video, but\u2026”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Officer, when you finally understand what happened, let me know. Because I don’t understand it either.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Well, I don’t really want to run into any more Jesus LARPers\u2026”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“You got any beer?”
“No, because this is a community center\u2026?”
“Pro tip, bring some beer next time. You’ll get more people.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I channeled the power of rock.”
“Yeah, but it wasn’t supposed to have that consequence.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“And kind of inadvertently, he blurts, ‘The vessels.'”
“I mean, I didn’t know Mr. Vessel personally\u2026”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Why would you burn Roger’s house down?”
“I didn’t want to, but we did it anyway, and it didn’t really seem to fix anything! It just grew back!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“You mean you can be born here and still be an immigrant? I’m going to have to listen to ‘The Immigrant Song’ again.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Padre! I just got done with the weirdo cult meeting.”
“Yeah? How did you fit in?”
“Well, they made me an instructor\u2026”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“And the fish were trying to stop the aliens invading\u2026?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“So we fought the fish?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“So what you’re trying to say is that the zombies from the support group are an oppressed people.”
“Yes.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“And the oppressors are inhabiting the fish and regurgitating people.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Apparently something we did broke the portal, so the hunters couldn’t come through the same way.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“But how many dead bodies have disappeared from your trunk?”
“At least three.”
“That’s probably not a good sign.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“The support group thing is teaching them how to human.”
“Then you should definitely keep going.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Somewhere out there is a zombie with half his head knocked off. Or a zombie with his whole head half knocked off.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“So you’re driving around with five pounds of brains loose in the milk crate on the back of your moped, which is not a sentence I ever thought I would put together\u2026”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“So five pounds of cow brain is five cow brains, unless you asked for brain salad, in which case you’re not sure how much of each you got.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Since you weren’t specific, you got a sack of brain nuggets.”
“That’s probably better. If you’re trying to lead them, nuggets are probably better.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Do you have dog biscuits?”
“No, I don’t normally have pets around.”
“You have Mark!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I continue the staring contest with the dog, and I’m attempting to communicate with it via math, because mathematics is a universal concept.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Well, the dog actually works at a base seven instead of a base 10, so the math is a little tricky, but\u2026”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“He has faith.”
“Yeah, but I think it’s supposed to be faith in a higher power, not faith in the contents of a sausage.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Well, if Noah thinks this is related to that demon, he’s probably trying to make a crowbar more deadly.”
“So\u2026 just\u2026 sharpen it?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“They might just be dogs.”
“There is no empirical evidence that they are just dogs.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“So 17% of the alien dog zombies I brought back are communicating with us.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I brought home 6 dogs, and 1 of those dogs are communciating with us. That’s like 17%.”
“It’s like 21% in dog math.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Are you telling me I’m a dog?”
“To be honest, I can’t tell. You could be a dog on the inside.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“So this has become the primary plot of the game now? The chicken waffle-changa.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“We gotta go to the Walmart real quick, guys – to the bathroom!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“How badly do you want to be in Walmart?”
“I am carrying a pair of crowbars. In public.”
“Okay\u2026”
“A pair of crowbars engraved with ‘Anal Penetrator 2000’ on them.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“And 50% of the time is 100% more than we’d get otherwise.”
“Unless it’s in dog math, then it’s like 3% more.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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