“You, painting, where’s the king?”
\n
\n“‘Is it the great red three-headed sharktopus?’ ‘No, it’s a two-headed blue one!’ ‘Sail on!'”<\/p>\n
“That’s what I get for sticking a d20 in my ear.”<\/p>\n
“How did you become Thor?\u00a0 Well, it’s the end of Hulk’s turn.\u00a0 Captain?”<\/p>\n
“Oh, I love horses! Especially with mustard!”
\n“Okay, we can’t be friends any more.”<\/p>\n
“They’re just copying us.\u00a0 What the heck.”<\/p>\n
“…the fireworks will move from morally ambiguous to blatantly evil.”<\/p>\n
“First of all, I have an owlbear shirt, so screw you all.\u00a0 Second of all, the horse fisting was not my fault.”<\/p>\n
“Apparently we don’t get to be very attached to it, because something else is going to get attached to it.”<\/p>\n
“I mean, wear armor in battle, wear a towel in the bathroom… either way, he’s getting his ass switched.”<\/p>\n
“Can’t an ogre mage love a half-orc?”
\nseveral: “No.”<\/p>\n
“…King Irrivetti of the touch AC is less than 21…”<\/p>\n
“Pull up your pants and fight like a man!”
\n“You’re the only one that doesn’t wear pants when you’re sitting on the throne, Your Majesty.”<\/p>\n
“They’re both wearing dresses, as far as I’m concerned.”
\n“Who, the half-orcs?”
\n“Yeah.”
\n“Like, pretty sundresses?”<\/p>\n
“Well, now that I don’t have to heal him…”
\n“And there are no good-aligned characters left…\u00a0 Wait.\u00a0 Are you good?”
\n“Yes…”
\n“Quick, look over there!”<\/p>\n
“That would have just failed the spell, way to go you hippie.”<\/p>\n
“Twenty?\u00a0 That’s not up to your usual par.”
\n“I only hit him once.”<\/p>\n
“So… how long have you been preparing for my death?”
\n“Second level.”<\/p>\n
“Just a moment.\u00a0 Let me finish rolling the king up.”<\/p>\n
“Oooh, it would be interesting to make tobacco out of the king’s body.”
\n“…That would be jerky.”<\/p>\n
“…a large owlbear rug lies on the floor…”
\n“You’re not making that up?!”<\/p>\n
“Next, you’re going to tell me he’s got a kobold skull cane.”<\/p>\n
“How could you kill an owlbear, you nature-loving bitch!?”<\/p>\n
“Well, I’m sorry the king died at an inconvenient time.”<\/p>\n
“She’s also green.\u00a0 What do you want?”
\n“Hey, Captain Kirk…”<\/p>\n
“So where is the Briar?”
\n“The other side of the curtain.”
\n“Uh… could we have this conversation in English?”<\/p>\n
“Wait, which one of me was sleeping with my wife?”<\/p>\n
“He’s going to have an important janitorial job in Feng’s monastery.”
\n“No, no, he’s going to have a VERY dedicated roommate.\u00a0 Some might even call them a warden.”<\/p>\n
“Did you just invent a Rube Goldberg imprisonment?”
\n“Yes.”<\/p>\n
“It’s 1000 gold a pop, but I spent 2 feats on it, so you’re getting cloned again.”<\/p>\n
“Who can use bastard swords?”
\n“Bastards.\u00a0 My children…”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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