“It’s D&D on Hard Mode.”
\n
\n“It’s the eyes.”
\n“Oh yeah, it is.”<\/p>\n
“It’s a legitimate pirate instrument!”
\n“It is. I wish I’d thought of that.”
\n“You want to shove my concertina up your ass?”<\/p>\n
“We’re going to get this the whole campaign, aren’t we?”
\n“Yes.\u00a0 Kacey’s going to say something in a Russian accent, the goblin will say he’s hungry, and Yammy’s going to say BLARARARGL.”<\/p>\n
“Where are these monsters?\u00a0 Oh.\u00a0 Shit.\u00a0 I assumed I was still drunk.”<\/p>\n
“No, it’s common sense!\u00a0 If you find you’ve accidentally press-ganged a pair of monsters…”<\/p>\n
“Umm… one.”
\n“So you can’t even find the rigging.”<\/p>\n
“There’s lots of laughing at those of you on the deck.”
\n“I’m on the deck, but I’m not laughing.”<\/p>\n
“Because he chose his name – Saucy Charles Schwab, tax investor.”
\n“PIRATE tax investor.”<\/p>\n
“It’s under the skill.”
\n“He’s cheating!\u00a0 This isn’t an open book test!”<\/p>\n
“For once, I wasn’t the one that died of climbing in the first adventure!”<\/p>\n
“Turns out, my math is good… just not my aim.”<\/p>\n
“First one to the bottom takes damage points!”<\/p>\n
“Each of you will have a job, every day.”
\n“Do we get a little sailor suit?”<\/p>\n
“Can I make Intimidate checks to get people out of my way?”
\n“Not on the first day, when you failed the first test…”<\/p>\n
“The first thing that grabbed you on this boat was a goblin.\u00a0 Now there’s this woman…”<\/p>\n
“You know the women are always carnal with me because I dance in the sheets!”<\/p>\n
“Kevin, I have to say – failure can be exhausting.\u00a0 I would know.”<\/p>\n
“You have to add that to the tweets.\u00a0 ‘I’ve never propositioned someone in fish before.’\u00a0 And it wasn’t Hawver that did it!”<\/p>\n
“What happened to you?”
\n“I got smaller!”
\n“You’re orange.”
\n“I had the hiccups as a child!”<\/p>\n
“There are all kinds of horrible things you can do to your shipmates, yes.”<\/p>\n
“You’re very pretty while you’re asleep, though!”<\/p>\n
“I’ve never gotten a blowjob from a catfish, so I wouldn’t know!”<\/p>\n
“I’m not sure you should take advice from the fish!”
\n“I want to cover you in clams… Wait.”<\/p>\n
“Note to self: Dad’s genes mix badly with humans…”<\/p>\n
“I’m glad I’m not the only one here.”
\n“You’re laying in my sick.”
\n“Well, then we have something in common.”<\/p>\n
“This guy is incredibly likeable and yet incredibly repellent at the same time.”<\/p>\n
“I hope you noticed that while my pants are well-tailored, they are not fancy.”<\/p>\n
“You’re not listening!”
\n“Amby, I heard you.\u00a0 Go get the vegetable from the poop chute.”<\/p>\n
“If you get my meaning.\u00a0 Which I don’t.”<\/p>\n
“It’s cool.\u00a0 I have the concertina shoved so far up my butt, I don’t have to squeeze; I just have to fart.”<\/p>\n
“I could probably teach you a few things.\u00a0 There’s not nearly enough fish in that quiche.\u00a0 In fact, it should be mostly fish…”<\/p>\n
“No, it’s like a baby holding an apple!”
\n“Baby arm?”
\n“Yeah, that one!”<\/p>\n
“Why is your shiny, illuminated fish penis in my face now?”<\/p>\n
“Then all of the sudden I’m in the middle of ‘Family Matters’ and I’m Jody.\u00a0 No, wait, that’s Full House.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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