“He can come quietly and watch the fucking game.”
\n“I like how that started with ‘he can come quietly’…”
\n
\n“Oh, THERE was the line.\u00a0 Over THERE.”<\/p>\n
“All right, whatever you were going to wear before, throw it in the trash!\u00a0 Suit-jamas!”<\/p>\n
“Oh, come on!\u00a0 It’s gonna be a masquerade.\u00a0 Don’t you want to sweat your balls off?”<\/p>\n
“Why can’t I move?”
\n“Probably because the boar’s junk is holding you up against the wall.”<\/p>\n
“Okay, which is more intimidating – a pirate flag, or a ghoul flying from the mast?”<\/p>\n
“Don’t give me the zombie walk.”
\n“My foot is asleep, you fucker.”<\/p>\n
“I’m sitting here like, ‘I get one attack a round…’\u00a0 I feel like my other characters are laughing at me.”<\/p>\n
“We punched the victim in the face, and… well… we tried everything!”<\/p>\n
“Oh, mean.\u00a0 I hope that’s a problem with our crew: some time we get into a battle, and they have a craft circle.”<\/p>\n
“Don’t worry, Bryan – as far as I’m concerned, you were there when we murdered them.”
\n“As far as I’m concerned, you murdered them.”<\/p>\n
“I think we need a new ship rule: Mary doesn’t get to visit the brothels until everyone else has.”<\/p>\n
“Did you just summon a dropped anchor?”<\/p>\n
“It’s called the Peccarine.”
\n“I don’t know what that is.”
\n“I think it’s a pig.”
\n“Isn’t that a peccary?”
\n“Yes.”
\n“Okay, so it’s half pig and half nectarine!”<\/p>\n
[after a discussion of what color to dye the sails]
\n“I’m going to go pee while these people finish vomiting all this out…”<\/p>\n
“Clearly you’re successful pirates, so do you have anyone to ransom or any slaves to sell?”
\n“Well, we do have a slighly used anti-paladin with an assortment of diseases.”
\n“We do have a fishman!”
\n“Slightly abused fishman.”<\/p>\n
“We do not sell party members when they’re not here!”
\n“I’m still surprised my character hasn’t been sold, and I’ve been here every session…”<\/p>\n
“You need a deposit?\u00a0 We’ll leave you the fish-man!”<\/p>\n
“One of the things that was in the captain’s cabin – aside from a really… horrible… stain…”
\n“Well, you should feel right at home.”<\/p>\n
“He doesn’t want Mary to confuse the rum stain with any other kind of -um stain.”<\/p>\n
“I’m carrying a hatchet!”
\n“You’re carrying 10 hatchets.”
\n“Eleven.”<\/p>\n
“Umm… what about the one that was accused of killing someone?”
\n“You?”<\/p>\n
“You lob it as far as you can…”
\n“Because you want to get it the fuck away from you.”<\/p>\n
“I’m fairly clean!”
\n“No, you’re not!\u00a0 You’re coming to the brothels to get rid of some diseases!”<\/p>\n
“God, that’s a really big fucking boathouse.”
\n“Well, it’s for two boats.”
\n“And you know, once you get two boats, and then you have baby boats…”
\n“Canoes?”
\n“Is there canoodling?”<\/p>\n
“Almost immediately, blood starts dripping from her hands as the rope flays her skin.”
\n“We’re not playing nine-pins.”<\/p>\n
“Fuck ’em.\u00a0 My spells are called ‘axe’.\u00a0 I cast axe spells.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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