“Is that you, Kacey?”
\n“Chirping?”
\n“Yes.”
\n
\n“Are you… chirping, Kacey?”
\n“Yes.\u00a0 It’s not even the iPad chirping.\u00a0 It’s me.”<\/p>\n
“I don’t have nearly enough sugar in my system to deal with who eats whose faces.”<\/p>\n
“Pirate Fun Bucks!”
\n“Aw, man.\u00a0 Where’s Jason?”<\/p>\n
“I’m not gonna lie; I thought that said defacing instead of defrauding, and I was like, ‘if I scar someone, am I gonna die?'”<\/p>\n
“How did you forget that?”
\n“I was thinking, ‘It’s the dog.\u00a0 What’s the dog name?'”<\/p>\n
“The word was either going to be ‘canoodling’ or ‘scoodelie-bookin’.”<\/p>\n
“The faster ship is hopefully the one that’s chasing.\u00a0 Otherwise, it’s a really short chase…”<\/p>\n
“Oooh.\u00a0 I just looked at the cover of the Player’s Guide.\u00a0 We’re *pirates*??”<\/p>\n
“Kevin kept hitting me over and over in the same spot, and apparently I’m less intelligent than a rat, because a rat can learn to DODGE.”<\/p>\n
“You’re right!\u00a0 You CAN predict the future!\u00a0 You WERE going to hit me again in the same spot!\u00a0 And it hurts like a bitch!”<\/p>\n
“A fish with a hat.\u00a0 That’s all I am to you people.”<\/p>\n
“Hunter doesn’t get a vote.”
\n“I asked him.\u00a0 He’s not a pirate.\u00a0 He doesn’t do it for ideological reasons.”<\/p>\n
“I wonder how many pirates ARE pirates for ideological reasons?”
\n“Three.\u00a0 I took a poll.”<\/p>\n
“What about the guy that steals for one gold and one copper?\u00a0 He’s got to feel like a fool!\u00a0 ‘No, no, this is 99 silver!'”<\/p>\n
“He’s got 99 problems, and a copper isn’t one?”<\/p>\n
“As far as I know, only one person has stolen anything from anyone else on this ship.”
\n“That’s not true.\u00a0\u00a0 You’ve all stolen my dignity.”<\/p>\n
“Those bubbles?\u00a0 Those are sad bubbles!”<\/p>\n
“You don’t live until you see fishman S&M.\u00a0 Then you just… don’t live a little faster.”<\/p>\n
“Can we make like Mississippi and free some slaves here?”
\n“Wouldn’t that be ‘make like Lincoln and free some slaves’?”
\n“Uh.\u00a0 Mississippi just ratified their constitution last week.”<\/p>\n
“Look, you hold the ship the way you want to, and he’ll hold the ship the way he holds the ship.”<\/p>\n
“Set flame!”
\n“Flame?”
\n“Let’s free those slaves with fire!”<\/p>\n
“Hey, we can steam-broil people again!”<\/p>\n
“And standing next to that heavily armored individual is a dwarf, who is making every gesture of ill repute he can come up with.”<\/p>\n
“Um.\u00a0 ‘Surrender and we’ll fuck you lightly.\u00a0 Don’t and we’ll fuck you hard.'”
\n“What color is that flag?”
\n“Fuscia.”<\/p>\n
“I guarantee there are butt pirates on the Fancy Lad.”<\/p>\n
“You know what I like about that?\u00a0 Ballista shot is still on the ship.”
\n“Still on the ship?\u00a0 It’s still in that dude!”<\/p>\n
“I will throw my hat away!\u00a0 No longer do I hide my fish-hood!”<\/p>\n
“We are NOT mounting Elton John.\u00a0 I need to make that very clear!”<\/p>\n
“Sir John, a query has come up in our fantasy role-playing game.\u00a0 Do you engage in scoodelie-pook?”
\n“And as a further question, do you hate that you have to answer this question?”<\/p>\n
“Kacey?\u00a0 Where’s your book?”
\n“It’s in MY bag, where MY stuff is!”
\n“Well, it’s not convenient to my needs!”<\/p>\n
“YOU SONS OF BITCHES!\u00a0 WHEN I UNSTAPLE MYSELF FROM THE DECK, YOU ARE ALL GONNA DIE!!”<\/p>\n
“Wait, wait.\u00a0 Our bard drinks blood?”
\n“Yes, but he doesn’t eat faces, so he’s still allowed to vote.”<\/p>\n
“Fishman suffrage begins now!”<\/p>\n
“Everything I know about pirating, I learned in a canoe at summer camp.”<\/p>\n
“Captain Blyds will allow face-eating during boarding expeditions.”
\n“It’s distasteful.”
\n“Not to him…”<\/p>\n
“Your thing keeps getting more and more disgusting.\u00a0 And so does your shark-dog.”<\/p>\n
“Luckily, I didn’t get the ‘it’s a wig, burn it,’ while I had a mouthful of soda.”<\/p>\n
“I can’t say ‘that bitch be crazy, yo’ with a Russian accent.”<\/p>\n
“That’s a bad idea, captain dwarf-man.\u00a0 That one, she will fuck your face in.”<\/p>\n
“You know what, Darryl?\u00a0 You get 2 shares of that [ship full of fish].”<\/p>\n
“We’re going to have self-inflating armor on our marines…”<\/p>\n
“…And you send a letter to either their friends.\u00a0 Or their enemies.\u00a0 Or both.”
\n“Yes, then… we’re eBaying you off…”<\/p>\n
“This is not hand-holding; I’m just not touching the map.”<\/p>\n
“But the undead thing doesn’t respect safe words.”<\/p>\n
“Let’s strap Mary to them so they’re toxic.”<\/p>\n
“All I heard was ‘get me all worked up’ from this side, and I flatlined…”<\/p>\n
“Come on, guys.\u00a0 I was in the bathroom for a MINUTE.”<\/p>\n
“The ship has an AC of 2.”
\n“I was seeing that, but I didn’t want to say it out loud.”<\/p>\n
“Why don’t you move that extra 0 up the the AC, because I think we could use it.”<\/p>\n
“We lost 10,000 hit points.\u00a0 What hit us?\u00a0 MATH!”<\/p>\n
“Is there a flag to say ‘we’re really really sorry’?”<\/p>\n
“There’s nothing wrong with getting up to her and then beating her face in.\u00a0 Well, except Bryan will object.”<\/p>\n
“Well, I didn’t know.\u00a0 As far as I can tell, all he does is fail to poke dolls.”<\/p>\n
“Well, let’s see… I’ll bet this piece of pocket lint against your arm spooge.”<\/p>\n
“Every time the two of you speak, my life expectancy drops…”<\/p>\n
“So she’s taking pity on us.\u00a0 She thinks we’re morons and she’s taking pity on us.”<\/p>\n
“No, no, he ate a face today.\u00a0 He has to go cold turkey before he gets a vote.”<\/p>\n
“It’s a random axe of violence.”
\n“You’re not allowed to touch the axe now.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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