“You look like you could ravage.”
\n
\n“He worships the Great Old Ones.”
\n“That would explain the expression on his face.”<\/p>\n
“Well, to be fair, we’re level 4 morons.”<\/p>\n
“It was terrible!\u00a0 So hard to find, and yet so useless.”<\/p>\n
“If we get a quest to find fangberries again, I’m turning this boat around…”<\/p>\n
“Everyone is required by law to grow at least three fangberries on their property.\u00a0 If you live in an apartment, get a potted plant.”<\/p>\n
“Hey, land ho.”
\n“Water, bitch!”<\/p>\n
“Well, it’s not like our ship is as big as the one in the picture.”<\/p>\n
“Technically, when you go through this gap here, you can’t see the islands on either side.”
\n“So they’re invisible?”<\/p>\n
“Look both ways!”
\n“I am!\u00a0 Left, and right.”<\/p>\n
“It’s good that you have your sister to cover for that.\u00a0 And dudes!\u00a0 For your sister!”<\/p>\n
“Why do you spend three hours below deck with Sandra, and come up with perfectly groomed hair?”<\/p>\n
“I feel like a pirate when I say things like ‘hooray’ and ‘yippee!'”<\/p>\n
“They have four masts, but really, if you add all of ours up, we do too.”
\n“But not all on one ship.”
\n“I think that’s smarter.”<\/p>\n
“Ooh!\u00a0 Can you sense motive on a boat?\u00a0 Oh!\u00a0 Or on a flag?\u00a0 Are the flags lying?”<\/p>\n
“We’re main characters!\u00a0 We can’t lose!”<\/p>\n
“You, charge, power attack.\u00a0 You, hard to starboard.”<\/p>\n
“I’m Good.\u00a0 I’m driven by my alignment.\u00a0 The fact that you people are listening to me is BAD.”<\/p>\n
“I believe in the romantic version of piracy.”
\n“Buggery?”<\/p>\n
“Why are we letting the rum talk again?”
\n“Because the rum speaks for everyone.”<\/p>\n
“Do any of the disreputable salts on our ship look any less… disreputable?”<\/p>\n
“No… I was exiled from my home.”
\n“Like Jar-Jar?”<\/p>\n
“That’s my career… half-time cook, half-time revenge seeker.”<\/p>\n
“Hunter, don’t tell anyone… I think that elf girl might be my sister.\u00a0 I think she might be related to my father somehow…”<\/p>\n
“It’s Dungeons & Dragons.\u00a0 What do you need a metaphor for?”<\/p>\n
“Why the fascination with the fish?”
\n“It’s the hat.”
\n“He’s never seen a fish in a hat before.”
\n“It’s jaunty!”<\/p>\n
“He doesn’t seem like he wants to talk to you about what’s wrong when you’re fondling a DEMON.”<\/p>\n
“But I need two things before I’ll tell you where the treasure might be.”
\n“Please don’t say the blood of the innocent.”<\/p>\n
“Hey Jon, would you do me a favor?”
\n“What’s up?”
\n“Can you reset Yamarino?”<\/p>\n
“Sam has a bit of an existential quandry going on right now.\u00a0 He could have his first ten-some…”<\/p>\n
“This is why I don’t want you to run the Oblivion game; I want you to be my evil!\u00a0 Because that is PERSUASIVE.”<\/p>\n
“So, it may be a good time to piss off the mafia.”
\n“Because that always goes so well for us.”
\n“Point.\u00a0 So, we’re not going after the mafia…”<\/p>\n
“Are there any tell-tale signs that I might pick up, having been a fish-man all my life?”<\/p>\n
“You have no… right here.”
\n“Oh! I thought he was going to say genitalia.”<\/p>\n
“What, are you a vampire that you have to be invited in?”
\n“No, I just have manners!\u00a0 Poor ones.<\/p>\n
“No, he’s trying to look nonchalant in an impossible situation.”<\/p>\n
“I’m so glad we finally met a villain that we can hit!”
\n“He’s not a villain!\u00a0 He’s an old man!”<\/p>\n
“He’s got a 6 strength!\u00a0 6!\u00a0 You are beating up an invalid!”<\/p>\n
“I think you’ve finally found the appropriate challenge level for your character: old man in a vacant house.”<\/p>\n
“Also, we’re pirates!\u00a0 Using an old man’s bathroom is the worst kind of piracy!\u00a0 We’re doing good here!”<\/p>\n
“In Dungeons & Dragons, it’s never just a retirement community, okay?”<\/p>\n
“Disembodied hands are the Devil’s plaything.”<\/p>\n
“We were having a nice conversation, and then you had to bring up moistened slaves.”<\/p>\n
“To be fair, if an eight foot cockroach was in my living room, I would run the other way.”<\/p>\n
“Hey, between the two of you, you made 20.\u00a0 Good job!”<\/p>\n
“No, I just voted for whore number 7 to be captain.”<\/p>\n
“Will, I assume?”
\n“If it’s Fortitude, that’s a really fucked up illusion.”<\/p>\n
“You will never, ever get that smell out of your mind.”
\n“I have other smells that can replace it!”<\/p>\n
“This went somewhere much more horrible than the aboleths.”<\/p>\n
“We have a problem.\u00a0 A horrible, disgusting problem.”
\n“Yes, but we agreed to let him stay on board as a cook.”<\/p>\n
“What, he gets to bring nine whores, and I get a dirty look for an old man?”<\/p>\n
“I went to the market.\u00a0 You know what the cheapest meat there is?\u00a0 The whores he bought.”<\/p>\n
“NO!\u00a0 BAD OLD MAN!\u00a0 BAD!\u00a0 DOWN!”<\/p>\n
“He’s not dealing in slaves; he’s collecting them.\u00a0 He wants to get the whole set.”<\/p>\n
“You just have to sacrifice them… and not rescue them afterwards.”<\/p>\n
“We did vote.\u00a0 Unfortunately, we have a tie.”
\n“So we’re going to kill half of them and push the other half off.”<\/p>\n
“It doesn’t mean that the regular people aren’t under the thumb of the gooey aristocracy, but the gooey aristocracy may not be enslaved to the aboleths.”<\/p>\n
“Can we change your class from summoner to pariah?”
\n“YES, says the previous pariah!”<\/p>\n
“This is the problem with D&D alignments.\u00a0 He’s not playing good; he’s playing Malcom Reynolds.”<\/p>\n
“God, he keeps rolling.”
\n“Yeah, we got hit with a ship.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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