“Just because I don’t like Archer doesn’t mean you have to stop telling the story!\u00a0 I can’t even hear you over these pretzels!\u00a0 These are LOUD!”
\n
\n“They wanted to make it simpler.”
\n“They wanted to make… fourth edition… simpler…”<\/p>\n
“Really?\u00a0 Really, guys?”
\n“That was you trying to do rhythm?”<\/p>\n
“You’re saying that as though he knows how.”
\n“I know how!”<\/p>\n
“We’re gonna become slavers.”
\n“It was Bryan’s idea.”
\n“Well, he has been stockpiling them.”<\/p>\n
“Ohh, he’s gone turtle again.”<\/p>\n
“He could have just pulled the hood over his head… instead, he pulled the whole shirt over his head…”<\/p>\n
“Now, I’m not a proponent of slavery myself, but if I were, this is a fantastic plan.”<\/p>\n
“Is that the tweet I’m going to get?\u00a0 ‘I hate you people, you suck’?”<\/p>\n
“To be fair, I expected there to be one giant Mwongi.\u00a0 You know, when you’ve got goldfish, and you forget to feed them, and then there’s one giant goldfish…?”<\/p>\n
“Well, you know what they say: once you go goldfish, you never go… bold-ish…”<\/p>\n
“Wait, how does that go back to the cannibalism thing?\u00a0 Sharks aren’t made of tomatoes.”
\n“Sarah doesn’t know much about sharks…”<\/p>\n
“Except to keep from incriminating herself, she’s going to change it to ‘Bryan’.\u00a0 So I can look like the dumbest person on the internet.”<\/p>\n
“For me, if I don’t recognise it, it probably came from that end of the table, because I’m paying attention to Kevin.”<\/p>\n
“Is this why they were talking about being able to see the captain’s junk last week?”<\/p>\n
“Sea mimes are pretty much ANYONE UNDER WATER.”<\/p>\n
“Perhaps a better statement would have been ‘he’s breaking your junk.'”
\n“Better than the captain’s junk…”<\/p>\n
“Look, we gave fish-man a boat.\u00a0 I get a boat.”<\/p>\n
“Well, ok… you can tell what the bearing of the other ship is now, because there’s this rope pointing to it…”<\/p>\n
“Like a ghost ship, but better!\u00a0 …All right, like a ghost ship but worse.”<\/p>\n
“Oh!\u00a0 I’ve got idea.\u00a0 We crash their ship on the island, and then we call it fortress.”<\/p>\n
“Can you put dong anywhere?”
\n“Bryan can put dong lots of places.”<\/p>\n
“I’m also fairly sure that we only have one dwarf on the ship, just like fishman.”<\/p>\n
“So it’s dwarf, dwarf, and more dwarf.”<\/p>\n
“I believe dwarves are like pod people.\u00a0 They live in one place until they need multiple, and then they pop out…”<\/p>\n
“There are two green lanterns aft… heh… and one in the fore…”
\n“So Hal, Kyle, and John…”<\/p>\n
“Well, I don’t believe in initiative.”
\n“It doesn’t belive in you.”<\/p>\n
“Captain Swift leads from the rear.”
\n“Funny that his name is Swift…”<\/p>\n
“Unfortunately, he went to the Charlie Swift school of ini…”
\n“Initiative?”
\n“That would have been funny if I could get the word out…”<\/p>\n
“I can’t do anything right.\u00a0 I can’t make fun of you… I can’t phone…”<\/p>\n
“There’s a potato chip under the table, if you’re hungry.”
\n“What flavor is it?”
\n“Floor.”<\/p>\n
“God, remember that time I had eyes?”<\/p>\n
“I’m not drunk, I haven’t been drinking.\u00a0 I’m just stupid.”<\/p>\n
“Sometimes, I have to protect you all from yourselves.”<\/p>\n
“What’s unreasonable about ‘I need someone to teach me waterboarding’?”<\/p>\n
“Shark-dog does not eat pieces of ship!”
\n“Until we trained him not to.”
\n“Apparently we didn’t train you not to.”<\/p>\n
“Actually, pedicuring your nose is impressive.”
\n“Yeah, why are you pedicuring your nose?”<\/p>\n
“We have foaming dwarf.”
\n“Aren’t they all foaming?”
\n“Well, this one is foaming so much it’s dripping out of the beard…”<\/p>\n
“The entire table goes into falsetto.”
\n“I guess we’re not at the table any more, Bryan.”
\n“We’re not in the dwarven ghetto.”<\/p>\n
“So he puts a hole in the deck and then jumps overboard, and now I’m in his hole.”<\/p>\n
“I didn’t jump overboard, I was thrust…”<\/p>\n
“Identical cousins: Thrust Mightily and Might Thrustily.”<\/p>\n
“Okay, I stand corrected.\u00a0 If something’s glowing green, fucking shoot it.”<\/p>\n
“Yeah, but I am unequivocally tall.”
\n“But I’m unequivocally short.”
\n“It’s not my fault you’re not carrying your height.”<\/p>\n
“You are on the captain’s junk.”
\n“Stomp.\u00a0 Hard.”<\/p>\n
“You found the cove of hentai.\u00a0 Good job.”<\/p>\n
“I’d like to go home.”
\n“The pit doesn’t work like that.”
\n“I don’t like pit any more.”<\/p>\n
“This was probably not a good idea.”
\n“What was your first clue?!”
\n“When the GM said, ‘I’m sorry…'”<\/p>\n
“He looks at you and says, ‘Are you sure?'”
\n“Are you offering to surrender?”<\/p>\n
“It’s an extradimensional space.\u00a0 We can throw fire down there.”
\n“You can throw all kinds of things down there.”
\n“No, you don’t understand.\u00a0 We don’t use fire on ship.\u00a0 That’s not part of the ship.”<\/p>\n
“So, of the spells I have left, I was thinking Identify…”
\n“If you can identify our chances of survival…”<\/p>\n
“He offered surrender, and you didn’t accept it.”
\n“He didn’t actually surrender!”<\/p>\n
“When next you see Sam, he’ll be a wild man on an island, living by his wits…”
\n“What wits?”<\/p>\n
“So this is Bryan’s fault!”
\n“I think it’s the fault of whoever blew up the Rock.”
\n“Well, both people to blame are about to die, so…”<\/p>\n
“So you guys won, right?\u00a0 I stopped paying attention.”
\n“I stopped dying by 2 hit points… I think that’s a win.”<\/p>\n
“But it’s going to put additional complications on the group that doesn’t need it.”
\n“Because we make our own complications?”<\/p>\n
“That pistol is the biggest thing you’ve actually seen.\u00a0 It’s a cannon, with a handle.”<\/p>\n
“Well, that’s it.\u00a0 I’m not jumping into any mysterious vorpal holes again.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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