“The thing is, it was effectively a meat truck.”
\n“Beep-beep!”
\n
\n“Oh!\u00a0 He went down to fix them!\u00a0 Because I didn’t go with him, because the last time I went with him, I died.”
\n“Oh, that’s right!”<\/p>\n
“So, I’m looking up with my Perception of 1.\u00a0 Wait, no.\u00a0 I’m looking up with my Perception of -1.”<\/p>\n
“I have a -1 Perception.\u00a0 Surely I can see the moon.”<\/p>\n
“It’s God’s head-penis.”<\/p>\n
“She has class.”
\n“She does have class.\u00a0 I’m not sure how she ended up with you.”<\/p>\n
“Why wouldn’t you tweet about God’s head-penis?”<\/p>\n
“Right on the other side of head-penis.\u00a0 That’s the line.”<\/p>\n
“This is like that scene in Spaceballs.\u00a0 ‘Quick, what are we gonna say next?'”<\/p>\n
“I want you to tweet ‘thauthy theamen.’\u00a0 I don’t care what the context is.”<\/p>\n
“I was distracted by all the saucy seamen.”<\/p>\n
“Why would a ship suddenly rise and then fall?”
\n“Uh… a wave.”<\/p>\n
“Captain, there’s a monster by your dinghy.”
\n“At least it’s not by your junk.”
\n“We really need to capture that junk.”<\/p>\n
“You don’t have a lithp.”
\n“It’s infethtiouth.”<\/p>\n
“Signal ‘running out of nameless NPCs before they get to me.'”<\/p>\n
“Captain, pass me down my yellow pants.”
\n“Don’t you want the brown pants?”
\n“Pass me down the brown pants, too.”<\/p>\n
“Matt, can I borrow some dice?”
\n“Don’t do it, John, it’s a trap.”
\n[die roll, followed by laughter]<\/p>\n
“Saucy, what single-digit number did you get for initiative this time?”
\n“Three…”<\/p>\n
“Next you’re going to say we look alike.”
\n“You do look alike.”
\n“No, we just walk in the same position.”<\/p>\n
“Which end does the pointy end go towards?”
\n“The point end goes towards your mouth.”<\/p>\n
“Aahh!\u00a0 Captain, the brown pants, please!\u00a0 Quickly!”<\/p>\n
“He could be saying ‘excellent’ because you just got thrown into the water.”
\n“I think he is.”<\/p>\n
“You hear a ‘thplath.'”<\/p>\n
“He doesn’t deserve paint.\u00a0 He got me killed.”<\/p>\n
“You could save me!”
\n“Somehow.”
\n“You’re the captain!\u00a0 Think of something!”<\/p>\n
“Okay, I’ll throw him a rope.”
\n“All of a rope, or half?”
\n“Yeah, all of the rope.\u00a0 It’s not attached to anything.”<\/p>\n
“The fucking AC is turned to frigid.”
\n“So are my balls.”<\/p>\n
“The important part is, when I get out of the water, you can tell what religion I am.”<\/p>\n
“I was going to make mention of it, but I thought, ‘There’s no way Kacey doesn’t know.\u00a0 That’s what he always does on his first round.'”<\/p>\n
“He’s Saucy Charlie Swift, not Perceptive Charlie Swift.”<\/p>\n
“Yay!\u00a0 I killed something something with not using a spell!”<\/p>\n
“Matt, why doesn’t your character have fins?”
\n“Because I don’t want to be the Penguin.”<\/p>\n
“Oh, look, Captain, it’s got a grill.”<\/p>\n
“I don’t see why you’d want to go after the 7 nameless crew – ”
\n“Because they’re my followers! I only get 10 of these guys!”<\/p>\n
“Bryan heard ‘press gang’ and got the wrong idea.”<\/p>\n
“I have a +11 to my climb, so I got a 15.\u00a0 Because that’s how I roll.\u00a0 Literally.”<\/p>\n
“I didn’t know!\u00a0 I just thought, with a +11, I can’t fail twice…”<\/p>\n
“So Gill stops eating the rope and actually climbs it.”<\/p>\n
“You guys are the third worst pirates I’ve ever heard of.”<\/p>\n
“I’m not the bury my treasure in the ground kind of pirate.\u00a0 I’m the spend all my money in town kind of pirate…”<\/p>\n
“You find a dark shaft.”
\n“Shaft!”
\n“Can you dig it?”
\n“We just did.”<\/p>\n
“Someone has to go down the dark shaft.”
\n“That’s my job!”<\/p>\n
“I’d just like to point out that earlier this evening, you expressed that your first gay character is something of a disaster.”
\n“Yes, but now I’ve embraced the disaster.”<\/p>\n
“Hollows.”
\n“Yes.\u00a0 What did you hear?”
\n“Olives.”
\n“Yes, it’s a natural cavern full of natural cracks and olives.”<\/p>\n
“Treasure and hors d’oeurves.”<\/p>\n
“No wonder I can’t find a 20 on that die.\u00a0 It’s a d12.”<\/p>\n
“Do you guys realize that we’ve spent the entire evening trying to get to the dungeon I was going to run you guys through tonight?”<\/p>\n
“I am extremely tall.”
\n“I thought that was Yeveny.”
\n“No, Yeveny is unequivocally tall.”<\/p>\n
“I have to protect her so we can do makeovers and stuff.”
\n“Bryan, have you ever noticed me play that kind of girl?”
\n“I just assumed you didn’t RP that part.”<\/p>\n
“How would he write it down?\u00a0 He doesn’t even know how many damn hit points he has.”
\n“I have a general idea…”<\/p>\n
“The most luxurious of dungeons for us.”<\/p>\n
“Do we not have flamethrowers?”
\n“Uh, no, you’re the only one throwing off flames around here.”<\/p>\n
“I am not heightist; you have no control over how tall you are.\u00a0 I am, however, shade-ist.\u00a0 You could be darker.”<\/p>\n
“You’re going to go with Head-Penis to get away from the innuendo?\u00a0 Really?”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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