“I don’t always think about whether I’m funny.\u00a0 I just open my mouth and speak.”
\n
\n“Did you enjoy your taco?\u00a0 Enjoy our spicy napkins!”<\/p>\n
“Instead, Big Ben was the universe’s biggest red herring.”<\/p>\n
“If you’re in a situation where you’re afraid of your phone getting herpes…”<\/p>\n
“I’m disappointed.\u00a0 There’s not nearly enough horse fisting in this pirate game.”<\/p>\n
“We stopped horse fisting when Reinheidt became important to you.”<\/p>\n
“Michael, I’m not going to let you lie that blatantly.”<\/p>\n
“Things less savory than chum.”
\n“That’s what I was thinking.\u00a0 I mean, unless we’re talking poop…”<\/p>\n
“That’s what we were doing wrong with the fangberries.\u00a0 We were drinking it and the flavor was better; we should have been pouring it on the wound…”<\/p>\n
“They don’t just hand out tridents.\u00a0 It has to be a magic weapon.”<\/p>\n
“We could give to fish-man, but he has somehow disappeared again.”
\n“He has defected.”
\n“He is defective.”<\/p>\n
“It seems like a red herring, to just walk away.”
\n“No, they were crabs.\u00a0 And blue, not red.”<\/p>\n
“We need a fith man.”
\n“No, we only have a fourth man.\u00a0 Not a fifth man.”<\/p>\n
“Although, I am questioning whether we do in fact have a fourth man.”
\n“Oh, honey, I’m all man.”<\/p>\n
“No, I’m only 5’6″.\u00a0 I’m not unequivocably tall.\u00a0 I am in fact equivocably tall.”<\/p>\n
“I can make the water all greasy.”
\n“I’m standing next to him; the water’s already all greasy.”
\n“Oh, that’s my muscle linament.”<\/p>\n
“I’m surprised you didn’t say ‘thalve.'”
\n“What?”
\n“‘Thalve.'”
\n“Oh!\u00a0 Thalve.\u00a0 I couldn’t understand you; you talk funny.”<\/p>\n
“Can I have a new crew?”<\/p>\n
“I sometimes use a lot of Ben Gay.”
\n“You use a lot of Ben Gay.\u00a0 You’ve Ben Gay since I met you.”<\/p>\n
“This is better than running the damn game.”<\/p>\n
“It’s not hashtag horse fisting?”
\n“No.\u00a0 It is NOT hashtag horse fisting.”<\/p>\n
“No one can be more of a wuss than the captain.”<\/p>\n
“You’re the sickly dwarf, aren’t you.”<\/p>\n
“I’m not sure if that’s laughing or crying, Jon?”
\n“A little of both.”<\/p>\n
“You’re the captain.\u00a0 You can’t mutiny.”<\/p>\n
“MAN, if we only had someone that could move UNDERWATER.”
\n“Tweet that, let Yammy know what he’s doing to us.”<\/p>\n
“Oooh, it’s got a trident.\u00a0 It must be magical!”<\/p>\n
“We’ve switched roles with the gamemaster!”<\/p>\n
“You do not want amateur trident-butting.”<\/p>\n
“Mary can give herself diseases every day.”
\n“Mary can give everyone in port diseases every day already.”<\/p>\n
“Why are we letting Mary T talk?”
\n“Because no one can stop him.”<\/p>\n
“Really, are you okay, fish?”<\/p>\n
“The enemy of my enemy is… uh… probably someone else I’m going to have to fight in this cave.”<\/p>\n
“Typically by this point in the night, I’m begging for release too.”<\/p>\n
“No, no, a prithe.\u00a0 A cotht.\u00a0 A thervice fee.\u00a0 For exchange of thervices.”<\/p>\n
“I really wish you hadn’t eaten that.”<\/p>\n
“If you wish for me to regurgitate your child, I can do that, but I think that’s only a bird thing…”<\/p>\n
“Army of fish men lost, your fault.\u00a0 Army of Mwongi lost, your fault.\u00a0 Can you do anything right?”<\/p>\n
“You mean we didn’t cock that up?\u00a0 I grabbed my penis.”<\/p>\n
“I offered her my spunk.\u00a0 I think that’s kind of cocking it up right there.”<\/p>\n
“Somehow, having fruit and jello doesn’t feel right right now.”<\/p>\n
“Dr. Farouk style.”<\/p>\n
“By the end of the night, we need to work in a custard machine joke.”
\n“Oh, we already HAD the custard machine…”<\/p>\n
“Yeah, fuck us, we’re the ones YOU hurt.”<\/p>\n
“Every one of you is a reasonable person.\u00a0 Except maybe Michael.”<\/p>\n
“Corwin, you got a mouthful of negative energy.”
\n“Better than a mouthful of the other things we were discussing.”<\/p>\n
“I nominate Corwin, because he hasn’t been a total fuckup.”<\/p>\n
“This room… wow, is that what they’re really called?”<\/p>\n
“You want some thalt?”
\n“Not from you.”<\/p>\n
“Not that kind of submarine.”
\n“Ping!”<\/p>\n
“There’s guilt written all over your face.”
\n“He said it!”
\n“And yet…”<\/p>\n
“I was going to hit it with Litany of Thloth.”
\n“Litany of Thloth?”
\n“Litany of Thloth.”<\/p>\n
“You know, this would go so much better if I rolled my Appraise with a d20 instead of a d10.”<\/p>\n
“Wait, did you say sleeping chamber or sweeping chamber?”
\n“It’s the matron’s broom closet.”<\/p>\n
“I don’t know what your problem is.\u00a0 You put wiggling weenies in your mouth all the time.”<\/p>\n
“I’m not gay; I’m just English.”<\/p>\n
“Oh, that’s going to do us a lot of good down here.”
\n“It will when we boil all the water off and have air…”<\/p>\n
“…use it to sterilize… down there…”
\n“Why would you want to stop the leaky goodness?”<\/p>\n
“Why do I want to kill all of you all the time?”<\/p>\n
“I want to go to the dick pool.”
\n“That’s the pool closest to your dick…”<\/p>\n
“Why are we letting Mary T be the leader?\u00a0 Captain!\u00a0 Make a decision!”
\n“I think his decision has been to stand at the back and see what happens.”<\/p>\n
“Yeah, because I wear the pants.”
\n“I thought you didn’t wear pants.”
\n“No, that’s underwear.”<\/p>\n
“At that point, I’d start to think you were cheating.”
\n“Not very well.”
\n“Yeah, why would I be cheating down to the teens?”<\/p>\n
“I was really looking forward to looting the rime from the Ancient Mariner.”<\/p>\n
“He could join our team if he was the Sub-Par Mariner.”
\n“So if he was Aquaman.”<\/p>\n
“Because what he’s about to do to Yeveny is going to be well worth the price of admission and… well… staying here the next few minutes.”<\/p>\n
“Ba-dooom, does a 15 hit?”
\n“…Nope.”
\n“Then I give him permission to take his turn.”
\n“Well, he appreciates that…”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“I don’t always think about whether I’m funny.\u00a0 I just open my mouth and speak.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[15],"class_list":["post-537","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-pathfinder","tag-skull-shackles","wpcat-8-id"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.emeraldsilver.com\/gamequotes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/537","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.emeraldsilver.com\/gamequotes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.emeraldsilver.com\/gamequotes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.emeraldsilver.com\/gamequotes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.emeraldsilver.com\/gamequotes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=537"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blog.emeraldsilver.com\/gamequotes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/537\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":538,"href":"https:\/\/blog.emeraldsilver.com\/gamequotes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/537\/revisions\/538"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.emeraldsilver.com\/gamequotes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=537"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.emeraldsilver.com\/gamequotes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=537"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.emeraldsilver.com\/gamequotes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=537"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}