“Because this is more sandbox-y and less train-wreck-y.”
\n
\n“We didn’t run from it.\u00a0 We just said, ‘Hey, nice ship.\u00a0 It’d be a shame if you had to shoot us with it.'”<\/p>\n
“No, no, no, stop.\u00a0 Kacey just defended me!”
\n“No, I just said I hate Jon.”
\n“That’s defending me!”<\/p>\n
“And see, that’s why I’m surprised you’re here.\u00a0 Because breathing water is going to be really fucking useful tonight.”<\/p>\n
“So let’s rub the femur with the ring or whatever we have to do.”<\/p>\n
“Okay, so Sarah’s character is going to rub out the bone.”
\n“As long as she’s not chanting ‘red rocket’ when she does so.”<\/p>\n
“‘Both ships are screwed,’ is that what you said?”<\/p>\n
“Unfortunately, that is ten times taller than me.”
\n“So the ocean is a lesbian?”<\/p>\n
“You’ve never heard of the legendary flat ships?”
\n“The legendary flat ships, huh?”
\n“Yeah, they’re very hard to see on the horizon.”<\/p>\n
“‘Quick, everyone lay down flat on the deck!'”<\/p>\n
“It’s ‘Captain Breathes Underwater’ to you!”<\/p>\n
“How will I see underwater?”
\n“You have eyes, you dipthit!”<\/p>\n
“I think I just got scared straight.”
\n“Highly unlikely.\u00a0 Scared disinterested, maybe.”<\/p>\n
“I’m going to claim ignorance, and everyone here will believe me because they know me.”<\/p>\n
“Why did she sink?”
\n“Because she had too much water in her.”<\/p>\n
“She’s broken in half.”
\n“That’s why she sank!”<\/p>\n
“Jon, do me a favor.\u00a0 Put his head-penis in his ear.”
\n“I’d rather not be involved in any of that.”<\/p>\n
“Why are you an old Jewish man now?”
\n“Because it’s comfortable.”
\n“Because old Jewish men tend to not have head-penises in their ears.”<\/p>\n
“The GM is irritated.\u00a0 The ship sinks.”
\n“But not my ship!”
\n“No, your ship blows up and poisons the world.”<\/p>\n
“I’m not holding on to your head penis for you to drag me along.”
\n“I have an arm… thing…”<\/p>\n
“I am so disgusted right now…”<\/p>\n
“Sweet jesus, you’re both going to die.”
\n“The good news is, I’ll be able to see them dying from here.”<\/p>\n
“You reflect poorly on me, sir.”
\n“Wait a minute, if we’re going to start judging our friends by what they find funny…”
\n“I’m gonna need a new group.”<\/p>\n
“FINALLY.\u00a0 There’s a kraken pantomiming being a small child behind you.”<\/p>\n
“YOU found a secret door.\u00a0 SHE found treasure, because that’s what a quartermaster does.”<\/p>\n
“This deck used to be very important to the campaign.\u00a0 Now it’s not.”<\/p>\n
“From now on, she has to do everything in the dinghy.\u00a0 Every time there’s a call to battle stations, she’ll be like, ‘Okay, lower me, boys!'”<\/p>\n
“The bad thing is, every time you stand at it, you hear that song from Ghost.”
\n“Unchained Melody?”<\/p>\n
“Well, there’s a problem with that.\u00a0 The Bethmaran funeral rightths have a lot of ethes.”
\n“And Besmara regularly paddles your ass for not being able to pronounce things.”<\/p>\n
“Yes, that’s right, when I get to the surface, I’m going to pull an ornate wand out of my sack.\u00a0 Prepare the flags accordingly.”<\/p>\n
“Ah, HAMMOCKS.”
\n“My nemesis!”<\/p>\n
“Hurricanine!\u00a0 Shih-tzunami!”<\/p>\n
“When did you become a clownfish?”
\n“When I started doing schtick.”<\/p>\n
“Cannons to the right of you.”
\n“Cannons to the left.”
\n“Stuck in the middle with an anemone?”<\/p>\n
“Clown-shark?\u00a0 What’s a clown-shark?”
\n“It’s like a clown-fish, only larger…”
\n“It’s orange and has a lucky fin?”<\/p>\n
“Is it really a sharknado if it’s only one shark?”<\/p>\n
“Well, one’s just going to eat me.\u00a0 Sharks aren’t known for raping.”
\n“Just for you, the shark has 100% more tentacles.”<\/p>\n
“That’s a misquote, but this is funnier.”
\n“What?”
\n“I said ‘100% fewer tentacles.’\u00a0 But that is funnier.”<\/p>\n
“I think we’ve established that you’re aiming for 100% fewer less tentacles…\u00a0 Fewer less tentacles?\u00a0 What the fuck, brain?”<\/p>\n
“So I think we have a consensus of two, and in this group, that’s the best you’re going to get.”<\/p>\n
“And apparently I can’t quote Yamarino the rest of the night.”
\n“Good.\u00a0 Now my girlfriend can’t be ashamed.”<\/p>\n
“Bryan.\u00a0 Stiltz, what did I tell you about that?”
\n“I don’t know; I wasn’t listening.”<\/p>\n
“It’s the David Hasslehoff of dwarves.”<\/p>\n
“I brought some stuff to be identified that’s mine.”<\/p>\n
“Wow, Bryan, you just derailed him with a well-placed grammar correction.”<\/p>\n
“Are you asking if one of us can cast a useful spell?\u00a0 Because the answer is no.”<\/p>\n
“So we’re going to take him up to the surface, say some words, and throw him back into the ocean.”<\/p>\n
“Hush, okay?\u00a0 Her rites were in a loose-leaf binder and it was open during a storm…”<\/p>\n
“Somebody pour this into the dwarf’s drink and then push him into the ocean.”
\n“Better yet, push him into the ocean and then throw the potion down after him.”<\/p>\n
“We still have Sarah.”
\n“Sarah is not a potion of waterbreathing.”<\/p>\n
“I don’t have Prayer anymore… I don’t have Haste anymore…”
\n“We have each other.”<\/p>\n
“I didn’t say it.”
\n“No, but you were choking on it.”<\/p>\n
“All your years on the earth, and that’s the best you could come up with?\u00a0 The shark’s magic is Gryffindor?”<\/p>\n
“The shark’s school of magic is Gryffindor.”
\n“Wouldn’t it be Hogwarts?\u00a0 You fail…”<\/p>\n
“You fail.\u00a0 The correct answer was Hufflepuff.”<\/p>\n
“The first person ever to hope an aboleth has a dick…”<\/p>\n
“I think this is a bad idea, but…”
\n“Bad Idea Theater is our best show.”<\/p>\n
“Ooo, fiendish dire parrot!”
\n“I hate you all.”<\/p>\n
“Based entirely on this haul, I believe we need to continue our pirating at the bottom of the ocean…”<\/p>\n
“Do we gain a level?”
\n“Only the people who didn’t turn gelatinous.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“Because this is more sandbox-y and less train-wreck-y.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[15],"class_list":["post-549","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-pathfinder","tag-skull-shackles","wpcat-8-id"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.emeraldsilver.com\/gamequotes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/549","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.emeraldsilver.com\/gamequotes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.emeraldsilver.com\/gamequotes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.emeraldsilver.com\/gamequotes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.emeraldsilver.com\/gamequotes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=549"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blog.emeraldsilver.com\/gamequotes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/549\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":550,"href":"https:\/\/blog.emeraldsilver.com\/gamequotes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/549\/revisions\/550"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.emeraldsilver.com\/gamequotes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=549"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.emeraldsilver.com\/gamequotes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=549"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.emeraldsilver.com\/gamequotes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=549"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}