“So what’s the plan, captain?”
\n“I don’t even remember what ocean we’re in.”
\n
\n“When I sing songs, I won’t sing songs about this.”<\/p>\n
“You’re demoted.”
\n“From dead to what?”<\/p>\n
“Yeah, I’ve been demoted from dead to healer.”<\/p>\n
“Your loss.”
\n“I didn’t know I was going to have to pay in guilt, Bryan.”<\/p>\n
“Did you bring back Half-Nut or whatever?”<\/p>\n
“Half of us survived.\u00a0 That’s LIKE winning.”<\/p>\n
“He only encourages people to do bad things.”
\n“That’s part of his charm.”
\n“That’s why he’s so good at being rum.”<\/p>\n
“Ha!\u00a0 The ground still got you.”
\n“It was just delayed.”<\/p>\n
“They’re traitors to us anyway.\u00a0 If they liked us, they wouldn’t have died.”<\/p>\n
“I’m pretty sure you could just click random on the character generator and be stupidly powerful at 8th level.”
\n“I think I’ve proved you wrong.”<\/p>\n
“He’s not terrible… he’s just challenged.”<\/p>\n
“Now why were you headbutting your iPad?”
\n“It was my girlfriend’s fault.”<\/p>\n
“She is a mischievous, mischievous woman.”<\/p>\n
“This dungeon sponsored by Ozarka.”<\/p>\n
“Look, half my crew got killed by the floor; I don’t have a lot of confidence right now.”<\/p>\n
“That will be the name of your new ship – Partially Digested Dwarf.”
\n“Or my new band.”<\/p>\n
“He went out the way he wanted: with a fancy, fancy dress.”<\/p>\n
“You see, I can only grant you three wishes.”
\n“Is that per person or per party?”<\/p>\n
“She’s so unhappy.\u00a0 Kevin, talk like her again.\u00a0 See?”<\/p>\n
“Ughhh… why did I come?”
\n“Stockholm syndrome?”<\/p>\n
“I believe watery tarts handing out ships is the proper foundation for a system of government.”
\n“But this is piracy!”<\/p>\n
“Destroy the universe.”
\n“Or erase it with a wet-wipe, anyway.”<\/p>\n
“Your girlfriend is a djinn.”
\n“I never thought of it that way.\u00a0 She’d better start granting me wishes…”<\/p>\n
“Were you left behind?\u00a0 And not in the school way?\u00a0 In the Kirk Cameron way?”<\/p>\n
“I hope those are battle axes of friendship.”<\/p>\n
“I move up beside the other people and try the harpoon of questioning and diplomacy.”<\/p>\n
“The harpoon of vengeful diplomacy hits armor class 17.”<\/p>\n
“‘A more evolved form of failure’ is like our motto or something.”<\/p>\n
“Next time I should throw my axes while Mary’s talking, because I know how it’s going to go anyway, and that way I’ll get sneak attack.”<\/p>\n
“They only have one eye; they’re twice as easy to blind.”<\/p>\n
“You know, if I named all my axes, we’d be here all day.”<\/p>\n
“Not. Touching. It.\u00a0 You don’t know where it’s been.”
\n“It’s been in the cauldron!”<\/p>\n
“That door didn’t kill us!\u00a0 It killed hundreds of innocents in that village, but it didn’t kill us.”<\/p>\n
“There’s jam AND lintels on this door?\u00a0 Man, this place is full of food!”
\n“…Why?”
\n“Because it’s been a month and I stored it all up…”<\/p>\n
“Are you saying you had the pun version of blue balls?”<\/p>\n
“I believe we can trust you to put hundreds of coins in your pouch and produce dozens of coins when asked.”<\/p>\n
“I shove these tree-balls in my mouth, so deep!”<\/p>\n
“Yeah, you just refuse to stay dead.”
\n“That’s what a real pirate would do.\u00a0 You can have my life when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers.”<\/p>\n
“When he gets halfway up, I cut the rope to see about this half a rope concept.”<\/p>\n
“Find the water lady again.\u00a0 I need a mint julep and a colonel’s moustache!”<\/p>\n
“I have a big club too, but that’s just because a lot of people like me.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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