“My next prize in my fucking Cracker Jacks better be a hand job.”
\n
\n“Before you play Kobolds Ate My Baby, you have to get a new fucking phone.”<\/p>\n
“Have you even met my new character?”
\n“For that matter, have you met mine?”<\/p>\n
“I don’t know.\u00a0 When we had an alchemist before, the only spell I saw him use was ‘blow stuff up.'”<\/p>\n
“I want to go anti-counter-clockwise.”
\n“So you want to go clockwise?”
\n“No, that would be anti-anti-clockwise.”
\n“These people don’t know how clocks work.”<\/p>\n
“I think Anti-Clockwise is my Tick character.”<\/p>\n
“I can marry anyone to anyone else.\u00a0 Or anything else.\u00a0 So you’d better watch out.”<\/p>\n
“Mmm… ok, Appraise.”
\n“2700 gold.”
\n“It’s worth nothing!”<\/p>\n
“You should totally Mr. T up your figurehead.”<\/p>\n
“Those who die by my ship will totally come shop at your store.\u00a0 I mean, those who survive my attacks..”<\/p>\n
“Well, when it crawls up to your prostate and tickles something, maybe then you’ll see them.”<\/p>\n
“Didn’t you know?\u00a0 Phase spiders are natural proctologists.”<\/p>\n
“Unfortunately, they put the gloves on in the Etheral Plane and then phase in and give you the finger.”<\/p>\n
“I think you’re going to have to go back and tweet my comment, just so you can tweet his, because Kevin just won.”<\/p>\n
“If the speculum leaves a dusty trail, there’s a problem.”
\n“If the speculum leaves a TRAIL, there’s a problem.”<\/p>\n
“I wouldn’t want you to ration your rations.”
\n“Both of you may be staying behind in the root cellar…”<\/p>\n
“Are you sure you want to do that?\u00a0 Because I’m pretty sure I was in the basement the last time I blew up a building.”<\/p>\n
“I don’t know anything about magic; I cast my spells through sheer good looks.”
\n“Is that why they fail?”<\/p>\n
“Let’s follow the footprints and see if they have a snack.”
\n“Good god, you’re Scooby Doo.”
\n“I take offense to that.\u00a0 I’m Shaggy.”<\/p>\n
“Guys, something just touched me, and not in the good way.”<\/p>\n
“Negative touches in my cooter, ok.\u00a0 Negative touches in my lower back, not so much.”<\/p>\n
“You’re a 30 foot cube.”
\n“I’m a 30 foot tube, sir.”<\/p>\n
“Just remember, if you’re ever in a fight with me, just take my helmet off and I’ll blind myself.”<\/p>\n
“I thought I had a cyclops, but I left it in my other pants.”<\/p>\n
“I have heard that ghosts only seal deals with interpretive dance.”<\/p>\n
“If you’re going to knock, you at least do it forcefully enough with your foot to break the door down.”<\/p>\n
“Ahhh.\u00a0 You’re leaving the door open for fun and profit.”<\/p>\n
“Subtly noticed and refused to play along with.”<\/p>\n
“Yeah, shapeshift into a pancake.”
\n“It was only 4 points.”
\n“Okay, shapeshift into a slightly shorter human.”<\/p>\n
“You open the first wardrobe, and it’s full of…”
\n“Dildos.”
\n“Court clothing.”<\/p>\n
“They’re all slowly writhing from the clockwork in these ancient dildos.”<\/p>\n
“You just decided to give them what they wanted, didn’t you?\u00a0 There’s a big pink one RIGHT in the front!”<\/p>\n
“Are you going to wear a dress full of writhing dildos to the masquerade, Bryan?”<\/p>\n
“It’s not really damage.\u00a0 It’s just a point of shame.”<\/p>\n
“Yeviny’s like a dog with a bone at the moment.\u00a0 He’s very excited.”<\/p>\n
“There’s a priest and a ghost in the same room.”
\n“That sounds like the start of a joke…”<\/p>\n
“Darryl, did you color coordinate your dice, your drink, and your mousepad on purpose?”<\/p>\n
“Saucy, Gill, what are you two up to, other than surprise buttsex?”<\/p>\n
“Darryl, I can’t believe you…”\u00a0 [as his 3rd character dies…]<\/p>\n
“I had a player hug the Phantasmal Killer once.”<\/p>\n
“A random Darryl generator?”<\/p>\n
“We’re going to get to the end boss, and you’re going to be like, ‘I just got here yesterday.'”
\n“‘What did you people piss off??'”<\/p>\n
“Why are we arguing over…”
\n“How he died?\u00a0 Because I want to kill these two; they’re old-timers.”<\/p>\n
“Why are you throwing dice at Kacey’s balls?”<\/p>\n
“Wait, you’re half-elf, half shark, half dog, half man?”
\n“Yes.”
\n“Half rope?”<\/p>\n
“You know, tomorrow when I’m bored at work because it’s the last day the campus is open, I’m going to make 18 backup characters…”<\/p>\n
“We can take you out of the pla-wow, what the heck did you do?”<\/p>\n
“You just have to have a group of players that’s large enough to make up for your inadequacies.”
\n“That’s what I do.”<\/p>\n
“My sense motive is not very good.”
\n“That explains a lot.”
\n“I simply choose to believe whatever anyone tells me.”<\/p>\n
“Who’s they?\u00a0 They’re ghosts.”
\n“They might have stuff they don’t want burned.”<\/p>\n
“Who has Ethereal Fire?”
\n“I do.”
\n“Well, I just did.\u00a0 It’s also invisible.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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