“Well, technically Christmas is Jesus’s birthday, so the heresy must have reset.”
\n
\n“Turns out, it sucks when we’re both right.”<\/p>\n
“He went down on the ship, and not the way he liked.”<\/p>\n
“That’s it!\u00a0 The captain of the marines keeps dying!\u00a0 So… who’s the captain of the marines?”
\n“Not it!”<\/p>\n
“And flaming darkness is usually after me…”
\n“So you’re ok with cold darkness?”<\/p>\n
“You’re not the best rear guard if you let the guy we’re escorting get eaten!”<\/p>\n
“Booyah!\u00a0 Five.”<\/p>\n
“I did not realize that my character made an adequate holding place for hero points…”<\/p>\n
“So Mary got a… five?”
\n“Yeah, but it’s a solid five, not a weak five.”<\/p>\n
“Diuretic monkey shit, or…”
\n“That is not a great thing to sit down to.”<\/p>\n
“It’s like a… I have no idea.\u00a0 It’s like a thing… that’s bad…”<\/p>\n
“I’d like to pretend that this is a normal night, but… he’s kind of mellow tonight.”
\n“Yeah, we have guests.”<\/p>\n
“It just ate Master Bates.”
\n“Master… bates…?”
\n“Master Banes, Bryan?”<\/p>\n
“Oh… she’s like a queen dick spider.”<\/p>\n
“Phase driders?\u00a0 Is that even fair?”<\/p>\n
“I told you: I don’t like this monster.\u00a0 It’s not because it’s a spider; it’s because I think they’ve been cheating since the beginning.”<\/p>\n
“We were a lot more on-topic than we’ve been in a long time.”
\n“We could see the topic from here.”<\/p>\n
“I want to know what the deal was with the surprise butt-sex with you two this week.”
\n“That was last week.\u00a0 And the week before.”<\/p>\n
“Sometimes we argue about what goes on Twitter.”
\n“Sometimes I save them from themselves.”<\/p>\n
“Come on, Bryan.\u00a0 It wouldn’t be the first time Master Bates breaks your screen.”<\/p>\n
“Yammy wins.”<\/p>\n
“Are you a swordmage?”
\n“Magus.”
\n“I don’t know what that is.”
\n“Swordmage.”<\/p>\n
“If he was imaginary, he wouldn’t be taking damage!”
\n“Not true.\u00a0 If we’ve learned anything from illusions…”<\/p>\n
“Can we play phase spiders?\u00a0 Is that a playable race?”<\/p>\n
“So your girlfriend is a weird-looking dwarf?”
\n“Well, if you’ve met her…”<\/p>\n
“Hi, back of iPad.”
\n“That’s Ansel.\u00a0 He’s not the back of an iPad, he’s a CHILD.”<\/p>\n
“You guys did 174 points of damage.”
\n“How many did it have?”
\n“50.”<\/p>\n
“Maybe you had bad fingers.”
\n“Bad touch!\u00a0 Bad touch!”
\n“It didn’t like the way you fondled it, Bryan.”<\/p>\n
“So you don’t know whose penis was the stylus on that one.”<\/p>\n
“I’m gonna use my scroll of Resurrection on the NPC.”
\n“Didn’t we lose a PC last week?”<\/p>\n
“Darryl’s always going to come back!\u00a0 He’ll be back next week, just with a new name and new face!\u00a0 He’s like the Doctor!”<\/p>\n
“I need some healing.”
\n“What kind of healing?”
\n“Sexual healing!”
\n“…Not from Mary.”<\/p>\n
“No, I think you should carry the dead guy like a backpack until you need [the healing potion we almost poured down his throat].”<\/p>\n
“Master What’s-His-Name, Fish-Dick… whatever.”<\/p>\n
“Aww, that’s so anti-climatic; I wanted to see the fish running around on fire.”
\n“I don’t do that any more.”<\/p>\n
“It could just be a journal.”
\n“He also had a spell component pouch.”
\n“He was also crazy.”<\/p>\n
“I feel like that’s double XP for us: we defeated him in his room, AND we got him killed.”<\/p>\n
“If you don’t have a belfry, you can’t have bats!”
\n“But you can keep your batshit anywhere.”<\/p>\n
“It shrieks a word at you.”
\n“Is that word ‘candy’?\u00a0 Or ‘pizza’?”<\/p>\n
“Who is Banes to you?”
\n“He was my last servant.”
\n“…Oops.”<\/p>\n
“It’s a shard that hovers in an extradimensional space…”
\n“Like the one the priest destroyed?”<\/p>\n
“To be fair, it was trying to destroy my soul.”
\n“Hey, your soul was asking for it.”<\/p>\n
“My axes are all named Eye-Slicer.\u00a0 If I named all of them, I’d never remember them.\u00a0 This way, I remember them all.”<\/p>\n
“Is he in this building?”
\n“Yes.”
\n“Is it a fish with a head-penis?\u00a0 Because you can have him.”<\/p>\n
“So this is where we part ways.\u00a0 Good luck with your genocide.”<\/p>\n
“Would it be a problem if the stone was in smaller than average pieces?”<\/p>\n
“We need to put a sign on the door. ‘Don’t go downstairs, hashtag for realsies.'”<\/p>\n
“A quick scan of the tablets…”
\n“Are they Android or iOS?”<\/p>\n
“So should we shatter the tablet on our way out?\u00a0 I mean, we can trip and fall…”<\/p>\n
“Shark nog?\u00a0 Is that like a special holiday thing?”<\/p>\n
“No one is going to want you guys near any of their stuff.”<\/p>\n
“So are we going to kill this guy – yea or nay?”
\n“Just grab his stuff.”<\/p>\n
“We’re looting the corpse of the guy whose ghost is talking to us?”<\/p>\n
“I’m apparently really good at telling people to pick stuff up right before something kills them.”<\/p>\n
“You… don’t fit… Now you’re slapping her ass.”
\n“At least it’s with the flat side.”<\/p>\n
“I’ll wait until you’re done before I start spellscrafting.”
\n“Spellscrafting?”<\/p>\n
“You’ve got my attention for five minutes, and you squander it listening to these guys.”<\/p>\n
“Throw the stick, Captain!\u00a0 Throw the stick!”
\n“Yeah, that’s your returning device right there.”
\n“The problem is, he gets distracted by what it gets stuck in.\u00a0 That’s how I get him to attack.”<\/p>\n
“If the sharkdog ate the book, I have scalpels; we’ll resolve this issue.”<\/p>\n
“…Are they fighting over the headband?”
\n“Yes.”<\/p>\n
“This is a… you guys don’t listen at all, do you?”<\/p>\n
“I like how we’re just throwing out massive generalizations about how magic works.”
\n“I like how there are three spellcasters in the group, and they just go, ‘hm,’ and walk away.”<\/p>\n
“Of course, if the party keeps going around – ”
\n“Chopping up the silver and selling it?”
\n“They’ll be just as screwed as they were before.”<\/p>\n
“We had one fortress before, and we didn’t appreciate that one, so what makes you think we’ll appreciate this one?”<\/p>\n
“Do they make quarter-sized adventure paths?”
\n“That’s a book and a half.”
\n“OK, do they make one-shot books?”<\/p>\n
“You should totally give me one that has someone in it!\u00a0 That would be awesome!\u00a0 Then I can walk around with it in my hand and go, ‘Hey, did you guys know that these things talk?'”<\/p>\n
“So he gave the order for them to be friendly, and then we killed him…?”<\/p>\n
“Can you rape a ghost?”
\n“Did you see how hard he hit it?”<\/p>\n
“Who cares?\u00a0 I won’t kill your stuff for fun.\u00a0 I’ll kill your characters for fun, but not your stuff.”<\/p>\n
“Can we… end… on the fleshy fun bridge?”<\/p>\n
“It’s 11 o’clock.\u00a0 The idea of starting another dungeon zone this evening…”<\/p>\n
“‘Chunks of dead prostitute’ is always a win.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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