“There’s a teleport upgrade for World of Tanks?”
\n“Yes, it’s called Displacement, or Internet Lag.”
\n
\n“Did you just get hit in the face?”
\n“Yes, but it’s ok.\u00a0 He’s paper, and they’re trying to use rock against him.”<\/p>\n
“I like you, Darryl, but I’m not going to come over there and watch porn over your shoulder.”<\/p>\n
“…Who’s got birds?”<\/p>\n
“I think there’s another tier to this joke that I just don’t care about.”<\/p>\n
“As long as you don’t wear a Darkwing Duck hat, then…”
\n“Well, see, that’s the problem…”<\/p>\n
“No, look, see, I can hit a man with glasses; they just don’t do very much damage.”<\/p>\n
“Are we making penis jokes again?”
\n“Did we ever stop?”<\/p>\n
“Cheryl is particularly looking forward to something particularly humorous tonight, so if you hear something funny, you might want to tweet it.”<\/p>\n
“So you’re not legally blind; you’re blind-blind.”<\/p>\n
“‘Yeah, I’ve got my guy things, and my other guy things right here…'”<\/p>\n
“Captain Yehviny the Undying!\u00a0 I can not die every two levels!”<\/p>\n
“I don’t need a wind-breaking oracle.\u00a0 I know when I’m going to fart.”<\/p>\n
“I can roll up a shittier version of Shark-Dog, if you want, but I figured I’d roll up a shitty oracle instead.”<\/p>\n
“Are you afraid to get wet?\u00a0 Because if so, you are in the wrong profession…”<\/p>\n
“If I had a longer rope, I could get them from here.”
\n“But all you have is these half ropes?”<\/p>\n
“And it is at this moment that I realize that I have no way to tell them that it worked or where I am…”<\/p>\n
“We still don’t have a way to report back!”
\n“I tried to stop them, but…”<\/p>\n
“You don’t need feet to have a gender!\u00a0 Your reproductive organs are not stuck to the end of your feet!”<\/p>\n
“My genitals are not on my feet!”
\n“Because you don’t have FEET!”<\/p>\n
“Kacey, that is the third funniest hat I’ve seen today.”
\n“The other two are Bryan’s and…?”
\n“Bryan’s.”<\/p>\n
“This is teleportation: the third most dangerous thing in Dungeons and Dragons.”<\/p>\n
“I’m ten minutes ago.”
\n“You’ll never catch up!”
\n“I have fly.”<\/p>\n
“Oh-ho!\u00a0 Mary was your co-captain?\u00a0 Because she was the only one left on your ship.”<\/p>\n
“I mean, we’re not going to go back on our word; that’s just wrong.”
\n“What?”<\/p>\n
“We made a deal with a ghost that died.\u00a0 I’m not keeping that deal.”<\/p>\n
“I don’t remember anti-paladin; I figured they could at least put themselves back together.”<\/p>\n
“I will, indeed, use Intimidate on the island; it WILL soften itself.”<\/p>\n
“Wait, so you fought a character who’s not returning for loot you didn’t get, and that’s why you died?”
\n“Well, that wasn’t my intention…”<\/p>\n
“Why aren’t you a phase spider?”
\n“Yeah, c’mon, we fought them; they’re unlocked as a playable race now, right?”<\/p>\n
“I was hoping 1 was below ground, 2 was ground, 3 was up in the air, and 4 was low geosynchronous orbit.”<\/p>\n
“So it’s less of a wall and more of a tablet…?”<\/p>\n
“I listen at the door…”
\n“It resist you.”<\/p>\n
“No, it keeps muttering death metal lyrics at you when you try to listen.”<\/p>\n
“You find a very intimidating crater.”
\n“No, a very intimidated crater.”<\/p>\n
“You know what you just became?\u00a0 You just became an angel on someone’s Christmas tree.”
\n“More like an hors d’oeuvre on a toothpick.”<\/p>\n
“It’s probably the biggest thing to penetrate Mary.”
\n“It’s the way she’d want to go.”<\/p>\n
“He Wished for a boat.\u00a0 You know when that was going to show up?\u00a0 The appendix of book 6.”<\/p>\n
“Everyone’s lost but me.”
\n“Everyone’s lost but you?\u00a0 Are you sure you’re not lost too?”<\/p>\n
“Um… I have Craft Wonderous Item.\u00a0 I don’t have any spells to put into them, but the items are wonderous!”<\/p>\n
“Oh, thank goodness.”
\n“Someone who can pull the litter!”<\/p>\n
“Found her in a tree.\u00a0 And a tree was in her.”<\/p>\n
“Also, if we burn her, you might inhale her.”<\/p>\n
“I’m sure it’ll be fine…”<\/p>\n
“I like shimmying.”
\n“Everybody loves to shimmy.”<\/p>\n
“And the easiest way would have been, ‘Captain, get on the whore.'”<\/p>\n
“Looks like somebody tied her to a litter and then kicked her off a cliff.”<\/p>\n
“Did her diseases finally catch up with her?”
\n“No, no… She found a tree, and they were in love, apparently.\u00a0 And it didn’t end well.”<\/p>\n
“Burial at sea.”
\n“Wouldn’t that constitute an ecological disaster?\u00a0 Even the executives at BP are like, ‘Ew…'”<\/p>\n
“I finally get a character that’s immune to disease, and Mary T dies.”<\/p>\n
“Once you get close enough, you start wondering, ‘Do I really have the words to Feather Fall correct?’\u00a0 And then you repeat it to yourself about ten times.”<\/p>\n
“‘Roll for initiative.’ ‘Against the earth?’ ‘Yes.'”<\/p>\n
“Dick Darkvision.”
\n“Dark Dickvision?”<\/p>\n
“You see an odd little ceremony happening, with 3 people…”
\n“You see three people kicking a corpse into the foam…”<\/p>\n
“As the corpse rolls into the water, you see the fish bob up to the surface – wait, wait – you see the fish bob up to the surface, bob for a minute, then dive back again.”
\n“We just made ghoul fish.”<\/p>\n
“Are you sure you want your genitals on your feet?\u00a0 It seems an odd choice of a curse, even for an oracle…”<\/p>\n
“I’m going to row back and tell Conchobriar that the captain is dead.\u00a0 We need to leave, now.”<\/p>\n
“I lost a valuable member of my crew.”
\n“I lost a member of my crew.”<\/p>\n
“And she and a tree…”
\n“Tried to make a baby.”<\/p>\n
“Mary T ended up a thousand feet in the air, copulating in a tree?”
\n“That’s close enough.”<\/p>\n
“Captain, the crew on the ship are getting worried.”
\n“Captain, the crew off the ship is getting worried.”<\/p>\n
“The captain and I have been carrying Mary’s body for MINUTES.”<\/p>\n
“We haven’t taken loot in years.”
\n“Except off our own people.”<\/p>\n
“A tarp to cloak all the holes?”<\/p>\n
“I had been considering taking Craft Leadership…”
\n“Craft Leadership?”<\/p>\n
“We can’t leave the island, because THAT is the lord of this island.”
\n“Demoted.”<\/p>\n
“So all we have to do is find a necrophiliac treant!”<\/p>\n
“Where did the sap come from?”<\/p>\n
“I can fix it now.”
\n“You’re not Mary any more.”
\n“Right.\u00a0 I can fix the storm now.\u00a0 Not the sticky.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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