“If this taco was any messier, Bryan would be covered in barbecue sauce.”
\n“I already am.”
\n
\n“I think we were just about to roll for initiative.”
\n“Yup.”
\n“I don’t remember what we’re fighting, though.”<\/p>\n
“Treants.\u00a0 Tropical treants.”
\n“Palm treants.”<\/p>\n
“That was way too gentle.\u00a0 If you’re going to sack on sack me, you’re going to have to do it harder.”<\/p>\n
“No superheroes are going to be harmed in the making of this encounter.”<\/p>\n
“If it’ll go with my outfit.”
\n“Penises go with everything.”<\/p>\n
“So it doesn’t matter if I die, then?”
\n“Dude, we’ve stood next to your corpse many times.”<\/p>\n
“It rolls 70, which is above your 20% chance.”
\n“Oh my god, I thought that was damage.”<\/p>\n
“We thought you were making up titles again, so we were absolutely going to give that to you…”<\/p>\n
“You’re not at all Captain Human Shield.”<\/p>\n
“…And it’s knocked prone.”
\n“You knocked over the tree?”<\/p>\n
“Did you just hit me?”
\n“…Yeah.”<\/p>\n
“Oh, look, you knocked over the tree!\u00a0 …Where’s Yehviny?”<\/p>\n
“I’m going to cast Scorching Ray.”
\n“Does it hit Yehviny?”<\/p>\n
“Well, its corpse rolls 20 feet away from me.”<\/p>\n
“It’s actually on the map.\u00a0 The map says ‘Lord Saucy’s Crappy Island.'”<\/p>\n
“Ten out of ten vacationers say, ‘I was killed by a cyclops; I’m never coming back.'”<\/p>\n
“The rest of us were recruited by you, while singing and drinking!”
\n“I drank a lot.”<\/p>\n
“And they are atrocious farmers.”
\n“Yes, I cannot imagine the rhino-cows were good farmers.\u00a0 They don’t have thumbs.”<\/p>\n
“I will translate ‘butting of heads’ as ‘interfering with each other’s business.'”
\n“Unless you want your business interfered with.”<\/p>\n
“I’ve been on this ship for a year, and nobody’s offered to interfere with my business.”
\n“Well, your business is sloughing off.\u00a0 I remember when you came on board; your business was much tighter.”<\/p>\n
“I believe the word you’re looking for is ‘prolapsed’.”<\/p>\n
“You need to only ask him to roll a Diplomacy die, because if you want him to just tell a story straight out, it’s not gonna happen.”<\/p>\n
“That was a remarkably successful encounter for us.”
\n“Yeah, nobody died, nobody got pissed of… I think that’s successful.”
\n“Nobody walked away in a collar as a slave.\u00a0 I don’t understand how this is successful.”<\/p>\n
“Good god, why are we getting in the water?”
\n“Because that’s where the monster is?”<\/p>\n
“I hate to send you in there by yourself.”
\n“I can breathe water.”
\n“So can I.”
\n“So I hate to send you in there by yourself without any proper backup.”<\/p>\n
“Oh, no.\u00a0 I arranged all the damage so it’s all on my ass.”<\/p>\n
“Wouldn’t it suck to go to D&D heaven or hell and be like, ‘What did you die of?’\u00a0 ‘Seaweed.'”<\/p>\n
“Are you gonna take the seaweed’s name?”
\n“I’m gonna take whatever the seaweed says I’m gonna take.”<\/p>\n
“I kinda want to go downstairs and grab my nuts.”<\/p>\n
“He tried to say it under his breath, too, but we politely shut up and listened.”<\/p>\n
“We’ve never found anything that’s immune to Yehviny.”<\/p>\n
“Yehviny, are women immune to you?”
\n“No.”
\n“So they’re sickened by you?”<\/p>\n
“I’ve got arguably one of the smallest ships, so I definitely want to be involved!”<\/p>\n
“I was kind of hoping I was Lord Snootypants.”
\n“You’re not a lord!”
\n“You don’t wear pants!”
\n“I was hoping it was a backhanded compliment!”<\/p>\n
“Lord Swift, where are you going to put your seat?”
\n“On a chair, I assume…”<\/p>\n
“That would be a non-euclidean catamaran.”<\/p>\n
“‘Take a sounding!’\u00a0 ‘Can’t, captain!\u00a0 We’re cyclopses; we don’t have depth perception!'”<\/p>\n
“I’m not going to accuse you of breaking the map, but I am going to stab you with this four times.”<\/p>\n
“We’re not accusing you of breaking the map!\u00a0 We all SAW you break the map!”<\/p>\n
“In a month?\u00a0 In less than a month?”
\n“I’m not actually sure how food is grown.”<\/p>\n
“So I assume that if you have slaves, you have food.”<\/p>\n
“I’m just paranoid nowthat you’re tweeting everything I say.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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