[Discussing guns in vaginas…]
\n“I wish I hadn’t thought of that.”
\n“What?”
\n“Gives a whole new meaning to the term ‘vaginal discharge’.”
\n
\n“Yeah, but it’s a .22 and a derringer-style.\u00a0 It’s not a proper gun; it’s a banana.”
\n“And I’ve definitely seen those in there…”<\/p>\n
“Cheryl wants to know if we can go back to cannibalism now, please.”<\/p>\n
“All right, we’re going to redefine what porn is.\u00a0 None of those things are things I can masturbate to.”<\/p>\n
“You can masturbate to a biscuit, but you can’t masturbate to that?”<\/p>\n
“Oh god.”
\n“You say that like you’re scandalized.”
\n“You say that like you’re surprised.”
\n“Sometimes I forget.”<\/p>\n
“We selected the quest; I’m pretty sure it pops up on the minimap and tells us where to go.”
\n“Oh, no. This is vanilla WoW, where you have to search for that shit for months.”<\/p>\n
“I’m going to think, ‘Oh, that way!’ and the ship will go that way.\u00a0 And then I’m going to think, ‘Oh, what a pretty girl,’ and the ship is going to go KRSSHSHSHSHSHSHSHS.”<\/p>\n
“Well, he’s a giant crow.”
\n“I thought he was Ross Perot.”<\/p>\n
“We should establish now: are we going to put up parlay flags and immediately attack them?”<\/p>\n
“Back when we invented lying?”<\/p>\n
“Captain, I will lust-”
\n“Captain, I will lust after you?”<\/p>\n
“I told her I would not offer her my poison weiner, then.”<\/p>\n
“They’ll be fine, Captain, as long as they don’t have to put out very small fires.”<\/p>\n
“Wait, wait, Pringles are flammable and there are lots of small fires over there.”<\/p>\n
“Pringle disaster at sea!”<\/p>\n
“Please treat my men well.”
\n“Yes, please treat Manuel well.”<\/p>\n
“Matt, adding a 0 to the end is the same thing as multiplying by 10.”<\/p>\n
“I can’t believe you just schooled him in math.”<\/p>\n
“I cast Sacred Bond on him.”
\n“I am now her mount.”
\n“Uhhh… Captain, I didn’t realize that was one of the terms of service on this ship…”<\/p>\n
“If you do more than three digits of damage, I’m going to be screwed.\u00a0 I’ll have to use PAPER or something.”<\/p>\n
“He just came up the stairs, stared at Kevin, and shook his head.”
\n“That’s because all they can hear downstairs is ‘SAILS!\u00a0 SAILS!’ and Bill was like, ‘where’s the discount?'”<\/p>\n
“Do you need assistance, Captain?”
\n“No, I want a rebate on my fucking hero point, because I rolled a two, spent the hero point, and rolled the exact same fucking two!”<\/p>\n
“Can I be a were-shark?”
\n“Yes.”
\n“Can I be a dingleberry?”
\n“Yes.”
\n“Can I be a were-dingleberry?”<\/p>\n
“Someone below the decks didn’t realize the crew was full of monsters?”<\/p>\n
“I haven’t had one of those since high school.”
\n“What, a thousand tiny bites?”<\/p>\n
“I do like the Imminent Mother-in-Law as a ship name…”<\/p>\n
“I offer to repair their daughters.”<\/p>\n
“That’s what I’ll call the ship!\u00a0 ‘Lesbian Repair’!”<\/p>\n
“That sounds so clinical.\u00a0 How about ‘Lesbian Amendment’?”
\n“That sounds like a legal thing…”<\/p>\n
“Did you make your craft check to make a baby?\u00a0 You don’t want to do that…”
\n“I’m making crew!”<\/p>\n
“We played a game based in the 20s; you’re just now figuring out we’re bad people?”<\/p>\n
“Doctor Strangecolon!”<\/p>\n
“Did you just say ‘butt knuckle’?”
\n“That doesn’t even make sense.”<\/p>\n
“What. The fuck. Are y’all talking about?”<\/p>\n
“It’s an ensign?”
\n“Yes.\u00a0 Wil Wheaton is flying from the goddamn rigging.”<\/p>\n
“Yes, we’re just going to name the ship Maurice.”
\n“What about Manuel?”<\/p>\n
“In fact, if you look below there, you can see the remains of the crew that lit the signal fire too soon.\u00a0 They have been summarily electrocuted.”<\/p>\n
“So they HAVE been cursed!”
\n“I said that seven times already!”<\/p>\n
“Does no one listen to the words coming out of my mouth?”
\n“Captain, we stopped listening months ago.”<\/p>\n
“I would like anyone to point out any time that the lord of the island made a decision on his own.”<\/p>\n
“This is going to be awkward, because you’re going to go back to port and we’re going to follow you back and say goodbye the whole way…”<\/p>\n
“I think sending the crazy guy to recruit crew for the fish-man is the better choice.”<\/p>\n
“Get on the ship or I lick you!”<\/p>\n
“We can be the medical ship!\u00a0 I provide it, and you clearly need it.”<\/p>\n
“Oh, look!\u00a0 A map!”
\n“If you touch it, I will break at least two of your fingers, and at least one other… protrusion.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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