“I’m not sure he’s finished.”
\n“I hope he’s finished; we’ve moved on to the next book.”
\n
\n“Uh-oh.\u00a0 Five minutes in Bryan’s office.”
\n“I’m not playing that game, either.”<\/p>\n
“Also, it wasn’t me that said it and it’s my island.\u00a0 Also, we’re pirates and known for lying.”<\/p>\n
“Okay, but who did tell them that?”
\n“I think because box text told them that.\u00a0 And obviously it holds no sway here.”<\/p>\n
“It’s all Pete’s fault; he’s not here.”<\/p>\n
“We got a whole bunch of Thundercats at this table!”<\/p>\n
“Yes, Matt, we now have wild prostitutes running around the island.”
\n“Wait, isn’t that how we got wild horses in America?”<\/p>\n
“Nothing is more upsetting than ill-tempered prostitutes.”<\/p>\n
“Years from now, there will be herds and herds of prostitutes running across the wild landscape of our island.”<\/p>\n
“You people are fucked up.”
\n“You people?”<\/p>\n
“I’m gonna go check around the forest for chlyamidia!”<\/p>\n
“Defended only by four small ballistas that couldn’t sink a rowboat.”
\n“That is fair…”<\/p>\n
“Well, that’s more than I hoped for.”
\n“More than you hoped for?”
\n“I don’t think that’s what you mean…”
\n“More than you expected?”<\/p>\n
“…And your people will not be required to provide such services.\u00a0 That being said, we are not exactly sure where they are.”<\/p>\n
“You did not promise her that she would not kill herself?”<\/p>\n
“A lot of things led to me going to the Dark Side… I was emotionally unprepared for being good, well-liked…”<\/p>\n
“Sing a mean song and hurt his feelings.”
\n“Wait, that’s his punishment?”<\/p>\n
“Yeah, do the whores know you’re a slaver?”
\n“I’m sure they’ll find out before the first meal we all have together…”<\/p>\n
“That’s pretty sturdy as long as no one kicks the table… FUCK.\u00a0 Now you’re all going to kick the table.”<\/p>\n
“What has 7 years of playing with you bastards taught me? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.”<\/p>\n
“He was in love.\u00a0 You don’t pay for love.”
\n“No, he paid for the sodomy.”<\/p>\n
“Is that girl on the cover him?”<\/p>\n
“Hey, Bryan?\u00a0 Everything you’ve said in the last three minutes has not been internal.”<\/p>\n
“See, and that’s the difference between you and me, Bryan; I’m not ashamed.”<\/p>\n
“We voted him in a long time ago, before we were smart.\u00a0 And there hasn’t been a vote since.”<\/p>\n
“Now you’ve crossed a line.”
\n“THE line or A line?”<\/p>\n
“We’ve only got 2 hours to go and 1 page.\u00a0 I don’t think we can make it!”<\/p>\n
“How can you not have agreed with my locking her up?”
\n“It’s easy.\u00a0 Say you’re locking them up.”
\n“I’m locking them up.”
\n“I disagree.”<\/p>\n
“I never realized that boobs were like Pokemon, but you’re right.\u00a0 You may have ruined boobs for me.”<\/p>\n
“I’m being shamed into being a pervert.”<\/p>\n
“What is the penalty for tax evasion?”
\n“Well, if you’re doing it on Saucy’s island, a dirty song…”<\/p>\n
“Was that a dick joke?”
\n“It is now.”<\/p>\n
“Some people may notice Tessa making minute shakes of head at this, but Charlie Swift is not among them.”<\/p>\n
“Wait.\u00a0 There’s a blowed-up island that we didn’t do?”<\/p>\n
“It is I, Captain Yehviny Foreignname!”<\/p>\n
“I am truly King.\u00a0 I am playing Undercover Boss, and you all failed.”<\/p>\n
“I think truly what he wants is for us to assassinate him.\u00a0 He’s been sitting on that chair for an awfully long time…”<\/p>\n
“There is a silver raven on the poop deck.\u00a0 …Really?\u00a0 You’re going to laugh at that?\u00a0 Still?”<\/p>\n
“So what I’m getting here, sir captain lord sir, is that you don’t trust us with the truth of your business affairs.\u00a0 I feel more underling than ever.”<\/p>\n
“We all know that the first chance you get, you’re going to kill me and take my stuff.”
\n“No, if I was going to do it at the first chance I got, you would already be dead.”<\/p>\n
“You had a silver bird investigating stuff for a month?”<\/p>\n
“It’s the only one that doesn’t talk back!”
\n“That’s why I had it built without vocal cords.”<\/p>\n
“It wrote a letter.”
\n“Is it in fish?”
\n“No, it’s in bird.”<\/p>\n
“You’re still talking as me.”
\n“I know.\u00a0 Once I get started, I can’t stop.”<\/p>\n
“You’re as bad as Captain Foreignguy.”<\/p>\n
“We also call him Bag-o-dicks; that doesn’t make that his name!”<\/p>\n
“As first mate, shouldn’t he be first-coming?”<\/p>\n
“So you’re still loyal to him?”
\n“Yeah!\u00a0 As loyal as I’ve ever been.”
\n“I’m as loyal as I’ve ever been to him, too, but that’s not very loyal, now is it?”<\/p>\n
“I’ll touch it for you.”
\n“That’s what she said.”
\n“And that’s why she doesn’t have a penis anymore.”<\/p>\n
“Heather doesn’t read the tweets, so I don’t have to worry.”
\n“Lucky bastard.”<\/p>\n
“Look, if you haven’t learned this by now, the most difficult thing you can throw against us is plot.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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