“I already made one shitty-ass character; why would I want to create two shitty-ass characters?\u00a0 At least animals come pre-made!”
\n
\n“No, it just means that you’re the class feature of the eidolon.”<\/p>\n
“And of course we know I’m horrible at being a pacifist… I’m bad at not being a slaver… or at understanding weather forecasts.”<\/p>\n
“Oh, I’m being tweeted.\u00a0 I’m not bad at porn.”<\/p>\n
“There is no way I’m a guest of honor at your party.\u00a0 I might be a guest of ridicule…”<\/p>\n
“Oooh!\u00a0 Papercraft Bryan!”<\/p>\n
“We’ve been dropping dead since the middle of last book.”
\n“You mean I’ve been dropping dead.\u00a0 The rest of you…”<\/p>\n
“They elected me captain, and I’m going to make them regret it.”<\/p>\n
“We’ve already got a fleet!\u00a0 We’ve got four ships!”<\/p>\n
“I go so fast, I go back in time.”<\/p>\n
“We’re vague-abonds.”<\/p>\n
“And you should have seen what he ate to get that mastercraft stick of poo.”<\/p>\n
“I have this laxative +1 to give you, sir!”<\/p>\n
“That’s a black spire; we’re looking for the Black Tower.”<\/p>\n
“The healing arrow that does d8 points of healing and d6 points of damage!”<\/p>\n
“If we shoot enough of them, we’ll be fine!”<\/p>\n
“What if you dropped two halves of rope?”
\n“It would fall into the water.”<\/p>\n
“Birds don’t fly with magic; they fly with physics.”<\/p>\n
“You have found yourself in one of those black holes of non-logic.”<\/p>\n
“See, mouth is closed; that doesn’t happen unless magic is involved.”<\/p>\n
“It takes us as long to roleplay getting there as it took us to walk there.”<\/p>\n
“‘What’s going on on shore?’ ‘Well, the captains seem to be dry-humping the tower…'”<\/p>\n
“Yeah, right after you get your rope up there, I’ll try to fly and see what happens.”<\/p>\n
“Well, if it doesn’t exist in Nature or in Dungeoneering, it might exist in Keyboarding.”<\/p>\n
“So it has been conjured from the elemental plan of pumice.”
\n“And slime.”
\n“Slumice?”<\/p>\n
“This is Abyssal.”
\n“It’s a small floor cleaner?”<\/p>\n
“Look, I already let my sister die!\u00a0 I’m not going to let you die, brother!”<\/p>\n
“He’s one phantasmal killer away from dying.”
\n“Uh… he’s one cursed berry away from dying.”<\/p>\n
“I might posit a theory.”
\n“Do it over there.”
\n“You know what?\u00a0 Let me shield your eyes.”<\/p>\n
“Uh, I’ve gotta go posit a theory, guys.\u00a0 I think it’s going to be a big one.”<\/p>\n
“You find a depression.\u00a0 It seems oddly sunken.”
\n“Uh… I give it a Zoloft.”<\/p>\n
“You only got that out first because I can’t talk and type!”<\/p>\n
“So if I rolled a 1 and add a 17 to it, I’d live?”
\n“DID you roll a 1?”
\n“Maybe.”<\/p>\n
“I am positing from the sky!”
\n“I posited myself!”
\n“It’s like a brown meteor…”<\/p>\n
“Not just poop jokes… flying poop jokes.”<\/p>\n
“I have a little oom-pah.”
\n“I have lots of oom, and a little pah.”<\/p>\n
“Does anyone have heal anus?”
\n“I have heal and scalpels.”
\n“I have mend crevice.”
\n“I have make whole…”<\/p>\n
“I’m a shark, not a horse!”
\n“No, you’re part dog, and dogs like salt.”<\/p>\n
“Hello, heart of ancient, terrible goddess.\u00a0 I hope you don’t mind a little pee…”<\/p>\n
“Yehiviny, try and pry open the door.”
\n“I might.”
\n“Don’t.”
\n“I’m getting mixed messages.”<\/p>\n
“No, 12 is whoever I’m irritated with at the moment.”
\n“No, there’s too many of us for that.”<\/p>\n
“You’re seriously going to Indiana Jones it?”
\n“Are you kidding?\u00a0 Look at the hat!\u00a0 Of course he’s going to do it!”<\/p>\n
“We have Schroedinger’s settlers; they could still be alive!”<\/p>\n
“Look in the eye while I touch this.”
\n“…Never say that again.”<\/p>\n
“I had the argument, and then he spoke, and it just flew out of my head.”<\/p>\n
“Well, guess what you’re going to have to give up, Yehiviny?”
\n“My penis?”
\n“The stone.”<\/p>\n
“Chinese wang-trap?”<\/p>\n
“Write a note in the book: ‘Captain’s log – Fuck.'”<\/p>\n
“I’m just trying to think about the episodes of that.\u00a0 ‘How I used my dick as a shovel…'”<\/p>\n
“Do you know how old that thing is?\u00a0 Older than me.”
\n“It voted for Eisenhower.”<\/p>\n
“Uh, captain?\u00a0 Whenever he imitates you, he’s suggesting something stupid.”
\n“I have noticed that as well.”<\/p>\n
“Mmm.\u00a0 Intestinal Ropers.”<\/p>\n
“Don’t even start.\u00a0 Don’t do it.\u00a0 There will be pain and humiliations galore.”<\/p>\n
“As he bust out his stable of banjo strumming.”<\/p>\n
“What?\u00a0 You have class abilities?\u00a0 I didn’t think you wrote those down after first level!”
\n“Well, it is my first level ability.”<\/p>\n
“Whoa.\u00a0 Captain Swift didn’t go last and did something useful…”<\/p>\n
“Oddly, fire doesn’t seem to do much to these things – you’d figure flaming poo…”
\n“There was methane to my madness.”<\/p>\n
“So, I might have 6 hit points.”
\n“I might have slightly more than that.\u00a0 Fifty more than that.”<\/p>\n
“Kacey, thanks for almost picking my girlfriend up.\u00a0 You were almost there for us.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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