“I’m gonna give Collins a moment or two to get up here, so I don’t have to repeat the setup again.”
\n“What?”
\n“…Kacey, would you like a hero point?”
\n
\n“I’m not gonna argue that I’m not smart, because I’m a genius and genius is so much beyond smart…”<\/p>\n
“Oh, we’re going to play the League of Catholic Superheros again… And Thor?”<\/p>\n
“The only thing that has been keeping us going is my repeated deaths and dropping good gear.”<\/p>\n
“Wait, we get a hero point every time we hit Bryan?”<\/p>\n
“We all live on a Chellish submarine…”
\n“Kacey, hero point?”
\n“I’ll back that.”<\/p>\n
“That was terrible.\u00a0 But you did stab me last time.”<\/p>\n
“What if they trick them into tying them up with half ropes?”
\n“Yeah, that’s all we have on our ships.”
\n“So they used twice the amount of half ropes…”<\/p>\n
“That’s why we get together.”
\n“I thought it was for ritual humiliation…”<\/p>\n
“I’m going to spend my hero points drinking pina coladas at the bottom of the sea…”<\/p>\n
[on the subject of Paranoia action figures] “Does it die before you get it out of the blister?”<\/p>\n
“Oh, no.\u00a0 You don’t get to surrender.\u00a0 This is your fucking fault.”<\/p>\n
“It’s not your initiative, you silly little singer.”<\/p>\n
“‘Immune to everything.'”
\n“You heard him; he’s immune to healing…”<\/p>\n
“It’s fish on fish violence.”<\/p>\n
“Okay, guys, guys, I’ve already laughed too much this evening; the tendons on the back of my head are hurting already.”<\/p>\n
“Okay, guys, quit picking on me; Kevin’s enjoying it too much.”<\/p>\n
“How low do we have to be to get rebuked by the fish-man.”<\/p>\n
“I’m blind, not deaf!”
\n“I whack the shark-dog on the nose with a newspaper.”
\n“Would you LIKE the deafened condition?”<\/p>\n
“Saucy, you’re underwater.\u00a0 You help no one at any time.”<\/p>\n
“Don’t tell Kacey; I’m not going to give him another hero point for hitting you.”
\n“That’s why I took off my glasses.\u00a0 This is just going to be the night where Bryan is useless.”<\/p>\n
“…And negotiate peace, instead of negotiating peace with their tasty, still-beating heart.”<\/p>\n
“No, never mind, I don’t have a way to communicate with you.”
\n“Do you speak Common?”<\/p>\n
“NOW we’re voting for aquatic peoples’ rights?”<\/p>\n
“Yup, three whole captains.”
\n“Is there a half a captain somewhere that abstained?”<\/p>\n
“All captains with arms.”
\n“I have arms!\u00a0 I’m part of the group for once!”<\/p>\n
“That’s twice tonight that an aquatic member of the party has been discriminated against and it wasn’t me!”<\/p>\n
“That’s a joke worth putting your head in a toilet for.”
\n“No, there’s no joke worth putting your head in a toilet.”<\/p>\n
“Is that in the articles?”
\n“It’s about to be.”<\/p>\n
“All the other ships are all so big and strong!\u00a0 Oh!\u00a0 Oh, Dominator!”
\n“No, Yammy.\u00a0 Just… no.”<\/p>\n
“From now on, I’m going to refer to sex as a ‘boarding action’.”
\n“And that’s going to last until the first time you say that to Brandy…”<\/p>\n
“Some day, these jokes are going to get old.\u00a0 That’ll be the same day we find the end of the internet.”<\/p>\n
“My black market compass business?\u00a0 I call them compasses; I make them below-decks with pieces of tin and old arrowheads…”<\/p>\n
“Sources say the Dirge is a minor nuisance!”<\/p>\n
“Yay for marginally effective tactics!”<\/p>\n
[singing] “Going to the playoffs and we’re gonna get married…”
\n“Is it sad that that’s exactly what was in my head?”<\/p>\n
“What the hell is going on over there?”
\n“Making tacklebox cannons.”<\/p>\n
“If you karate chop those hard enough, something amazing is going to happen!”<\/p>\n
“Remember the time you had a submersible ghost ship and sold it for like $1?”<\/p>\n
“It’s going to be a drive-by.\u00a0 Drive-by spellcasting.”<\/p>\n
“That’s okay; we have a trustworthy commodore to guide us.”
\n“Where?”<\/p>\n
“Not only do we want to commission your services; we’d like to commission you as a commodore as well.”<\/p>\n
“I do like that our fleet of eight, nine ships… and our boarding party is Darryl.”<\/p>\n
“Maybe this was a poor decision?”
\n“Which part was the poor decision, Yammy?”<\/p>\n
“He has more hit points than Kacey’s boat.”<\/p>\n
“My ship hasn’t raged yet either, but that’s not really an options.”<\/p>\n
“Ah, the life of Steve the elf.\u00a0 We hardly knew him.”<\/p>\n
“There’s quite a few captains on this ship.”
\n“Officers?”
\n“To be fair, all the officers on your ship are captains.\u00a0 I’m not very smart…”<\/p>\n
“What’s fucking 2 higher than a 24?”<\/p>\n
“Is that a penis he has in his hand?”
\n“Yup.\u00a0 That’s why I’m a fr – a fan.”
\n“A fran?”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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