“We could have used your Lesser Restoration: Eidolon… oh, wait, no we couldn’t.”
\n
\n“I think I’m going to be on the infiltration team.”
\n“That’s always the loudest, crashiest team.”<\/p>\n
“*You’re* an arachnid automaton.”
\n“If I was one of those, you wouldn’t say that to me… actually, you probably would.”<\/p>\n
“He’s trying to refute it, but he can’t come up with any other names.”<\/p>\n
“Good old Skaggity Rick-o-Dicks…”<\/p>\n
“Actually, it was illegal for him to be bad at having a good tumble.”<\/p>\n
“So is Pete the new competent person?”
\n“Uh oh.”<\/p>\n
“Well, Darryl has made the most useful characters… the most often.”<\/p>\n
“Women are more than a pair of independently animated breasts!”<\/p>\n
“That’s okay; my butt’s waterproof.”<\/p>\n
“But if you start a fire on the ground floor, what’s above it is irrelevant.”<\/p>\n
“You’d have to hire a tail wrangler…”<\/p>\n
“‘Excuse me, do you have a minute to talk about Kickstarter, your lord and savior?'”<\/p>\n
“Bryan, where on the water bottle did the diplomat touch you?”<\/p>\n
“I’m more a sure man kind of thing… I mean, a sure thing kind of man.”<\/p>\n
“No!\u00a0 She doesn’t dismiss me through her vagina!”<\/p>\n
“Is there a feat to awkwardly walk away in combat?”<\/p>\n
“I hope you’re prepared to deal with the monstrosities that will result.\u00a0 Half shark, half dog, half elf, half rope…”<\/p>\n
“Did you just volunteer to be his eidolon?\u00a0 Because he will crawl up inside of you.\u00a0 I’m not sure what oriface he’s going to use, but it’s probably one of the not-good ones.”<\/p>\n
“Because then we’d have to imagine you inserting yourself into more horrible orifaces.”<\/p>\n
“I patted a horse on the nose one time, and then, ‘WHY ARE YOU FISTING THAT HORSE?!'”<\/p>\n
“I know I don’t know this guy any more.\u00a0 I thought I did, but I don’t.”<\/p>\n
“I’m just wondering if it could be some sort of elaborate money laundering scheme on Pirate Island…”<\/p>\n
“I’ve noticed that we’re in a gambling house.\u00a0 I NAILED that.”<\/p>\n
“I’m just weirded out by the gestures he was using to hit on that woman.\u00a0 That’s almost as bad as, ‘I’m going to do an exam…'”<\/p>\n
“The two who have helped me destroy the most worlds are the ones that think I’m a good guy.”
\n“Bryan, the reason you’re a good guy is that you surrender afterwards.”<\/p>\n
“I felt like you’ve spent more time with him than just in a gambling brawl…”
\n“Freudian slip?”<\/p>\n
“Would you like to borrow this Ring of Climb to get out of this hole you’ve dug yourself?”<\/p>\n
“They can’t Sense Motive on me!\u00a0 Fishmen only have one expression!”<\/p>\n
“That was one singular girlfriend poke, coming at me from different directions.\u00a0 She’s enacted a flanking maneuver on me.”<\/p>\n
“As soon as you’re 10 ft away from the table, a myriad of thrown weapons are headed your way.\u00a0 And not from that table.”
\n“What?\u00a0 Everyone else was doing it!”<\/p>\n
“Uh… Captain, I think they wanted you to have a really wild party.”<\/p>\n
“I’m having a really hard time not opening the door and telling them they could have given me the drugs up front.”<\/p>\n
“Is your eidolon giving you a booty call, Bryan?”
\n“No… how would my eidolon text me?”<\/p>\n
“So what we do is kill everyone in the bar…”
\n“I leave the bar.”<\/p>\n
“Hey guys, I found a cool new way to kill everyone… let me know if you object!”<\/p>\n
“No, I’ve got my own rum!\u00a0 Dikka-dikka-dikka.\u00a0 It’s gone hard!”<\/p>\n
“You’re gonna Bernie this guy?”<\/p>\n
“We’ll riffle his pockets right here, god damn it, and we’ll put him back where we found him.”<\/p>\n
“We give precisely 0 fucks about this guy.”<\/p>\n
“Well, I guess I’ll have to not show basic decency next time.”<\/p>\n
“If you’re done, I’ll return the corpse to its rightful owner – the chair.”<\/p>\n
“Jesus Christ, rings of wizardry are expensive.”
\n“Yeah, so die quickly so we can sell them.”<\/p>\n
“You’ve already rolled me once!”
\n“There’s not a limit.”<\/p>\n
“If the moon’s out, I’m glowing.”<\/p>\n
“Yeah, an orphan mage is a summoner.”<\/p>\n
“I didn’t know Flash and Aquaman didn’t have dads.”
\n“No, Aquaman has always been a bastard.”<\/p>\n
“Wait, so Cyclops’ dad was a Time Lord?”<\/p>\n
“And right on cue, Hawver is arguing with me about Aquaman.”<\/p>\n
“You were a creepy lighthouse keeper in another life, weren’t you?”<\/p>\n
“The land of the ‘whomp’ things?”<\/p>\n
“So what are we calling ourselves, since we have an embarrassing fleet name?”<\/p>\n
“We don’t have an embarrassing fleet name – don’t tweet that!”<\/p>\n
“Battlefleet Manaconda!”<\/p>\n
“I like how you didn’t want to be known by that, but you’ll correct us if we get it wrong.”<\/p>\n
“Was there anything else you wanted to know?”
\n“No.”
\n“Great!\u00a0 I’ve already left.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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