“Friends don’t let friends drive drunk on power.”
\n
\n“That is the single most dickish thing I’ve seen you do.”
\n“What, fail to throw?”<\/p>\n
“We’re all naked.\u00a0 Don’t be splashing acid, okay?”<\/p>\n
“Well, he’s now got three names for people?\u00a0 Sam, Bag-o-Dicks, and Admiral?”
\n“Bag-o-Dicks is dead.”<\/p>\n
“I’ve seen those in certain types of videos that are illegal in seventeen states.”<\/p>\n
“I pee in his kilt.”
\n“Aren’t you wearing it?”
\n“Makes it a whole lot easier to pee in it!”<\/p>\n
“I’m all for checking the door and worrying about the cannibalism later.”<\/p>\n
“So… noted: Mormons are flammable.”<\/p>\n
“I feel like we had this discussion once or thrice.”
\n“Yeah, but I’m not happy with how it came out.”<\/p>\n
“Look, I think you’ve done enough war profiteering on my part.\u00a0 Or from my parts, as the case maybe.”<\/p>\n
“Tell you what – you can do the sword and shield thing; the first person that surrenders to us, we can send them back down to the ship to get the gong…”<\/p>\n
“Door be gone!\u00a0 Um… now the room’s on fire.”<\/p>\n
“I miss him sometimes.”
\n“I do too, but I’m not that great of a shot.”<\/p>\n
“She’s got the scalpels of healing out.”<\/p>\n
“Why do all of our plans involve poop?”
\n“Because the average mental age of this group is 12.”<\/p>\n
“I’m not sure if we were adamant so much as we were stupid.”<\/p>\n
“I like explaining my shitty rolls…”<\/p>\n
“They all have one-eyed glasses?”
\n“Yes.\u00a0 They are all monocled.”<\/p>\n
“As long as I don’t lose my position of power on the ship, I won’t be forced to do anything unpleasant.”<\/p>\n
“There’s a charter for your ship?”
\n“There is in my head.”<\/p>\n
“It’s in the charter that you get to play with women?”
\n“No, it’s in the charter that I get to play with women for a while, and then when I’m done, she assassinates them for me, so I don’t leave a trail of women.”<\/p>\n
“‘Based on what I’ve seen, I don’t think we’ve gone too far,’ says the shark.”<\/p>\n
“Ehhh, I still haven’t found anyone to surrender to me.”<\/p>\n
“Yes, watch out for the giant tentacles.\u00a0 There were eight, but he keeps insisting there are ten…”<\/p>\n
“Take my jar of maggots.\u00a0 Everyone knows my jar of maggots; this one is Steve.”<\/p>\n
“I have come for Captain Alexandro’s flag; I have Steve.”<\/p>\n
“I should carry this dead wood back to the ship and get the captain’s flag.”
\n“I don’t think that’s a good nickname for Charlie Swift.”<\/p>\n
“A navy blue flag with a yellow moustache.”<\/p>\n
“All it takes to set a ship on fire is intent and nobody here to stop you.”
\n“Yeah, but a crossbow is cooler.”<\/p>\n
“A new nation… an island nation, but we’ll leave the island part out… founded under rockets… I feel like we should make a song about this.”<\/p>\n
“Wait, you have teleport?!\u00a0 YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN THE FLAG, YOU BASTARD!”<\/p>\n
“I don’t have it memorized.”
\n“NOBODY HAS ANYTHING MEMORIZED!”<\/p>\n
“You didn’t call her Bag-o-Dicks, so you’re improving.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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