“I am so happy that this is a real person and not just a character in an all-anal James Bond porn parody.”
\n
\n“Choke more!\u00a0 It makes the DM laugh!”<\/p>\n
“Anyone who dies at the table gets 5 XP right away.”<\/p>\n
“Wait, who gets the XP if we convince someone to commit seppuku?”<\/p>\n
“Makin’ things awkward since 1978.”
\n“So I didn’t make it awkward the first year?”
\n“No, you couldn’t talk.”<\/p>\n
“Wow, my enthusiasm for that game vanished really fast… and you did it without mentioning custard or tarps.”<\/p>\n
“I actually have legitimate input, but I’m afraid it won’t be welcome at this time.”<\/p>\n
“They neutered Death, by the way, Bryan.”<\/p>\n
“I don’t know why I’m continuing to whisper, since I’ve completely disrupted things.”<\/p>\n
“Darryl probably COULD turn them into a canoe.”
\n“Canoe that motherfucker!”<\/p>\n
“That’s the happiest bulet I’ve ever seen.”<\/p>\n
“And by ‘maul’, he means ‘loving caress your face with his teeth.'”
\n“He means he’s going to take you to the mall.\u00a0 At Christmas time.”<\/p>\n
“He has a pistol, he has a rifle, he has a sword; I have… a $20 bill.\u00a0 What am I going to do, fold it up and papercut them?”<\/p>\n
“Electro-shocked the defiance out of me?”<\/p>\n
“Sorry, guys, I was going to come add my one dot in melee to help…”<\/p>\n
“The handler gives you a strange, cock-eyed look – the same kind of look you get when anyone realizes you’re in a wheelchair…”<\/p>\n
“I’m not doing anything!”
\n“Yeah, but would you like to do nothing with 3 extra dice?”<\/p>\n
“If they don’t cover ‘Wheels on the Bus,’ I probably haven’t listened to them in the last two years…”<\/p>\n
“I want to know why the dwarf in this picture is opening a portal to a plane of pumpkins.”<\/p>\n
“That was the result of Darryl botching: it was a shotgun wedding.”<\/p>\n
“There is no system in which Darryl cannot die.”<\/p>\n
“Eh, a Harrowing is just a test.\u00a0 Unless you’re the Aquaman of wraiths…”<\/p>\n
“Kacey, I’ve caught the dumb.”<\/p>\n
“You’re cock-blocking someone in the Skinlands?”<\/p>\n
“I give them a 7 out of 10 on the side-handsy.”<\/p>\n
“You’ve had an accident.\u00a0 A very attractive accident.”
\n“She was not your wife.”
\n“She wasn’t that attractive…”<\/p>\n
“After she stabbed you, she ran off.”
\n“She more sauntered off.”
\n“She still wasn’t your wife.”<\/p>\n
“Is this because of my research?”
\n“No, it was because she wasn’t your WIFE.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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