“Two Roombas enter, one Roomba leaves! Two Roombas enter, one Roomba leaves!”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
“That was great, jerk.”
\n“Well, that was wonderful, ass-clown.”<\/p>\n
“How close is the Star Wars universe to the Futurama one when it comes to animated heads?”<\/p>\n
“He was the one I could count on!”
\n“Once again, Kacey, you seem like a normal and productive member of society – why are you still here?”<\/p>\n
“Why’s he on the watch list?”
\n“He mailed the President a picture of his hair. We don’t know why.”<\/p>\n
“General Custard?”
\n“Is it his last stand?”
\n“No! It’s my first!”<\/p>\n
“But it was legible! And not written in fish!”<\/p>\n
“When they go to war against other insurance groups – ”
\n“We’re not an insurance group. We’re a specialty medical group.”
\n“Okay, when they go to war with other specialty medical groups…”<\/p>\n
“So you compete on… color… like the Klan.”
\n“NO!”<\/p>\n
“Why does it always have to be about black with you?”
\n“Because I compete on color?”<\/p>\n
“Let’s remember the salient point here; you don’t have a scrotum, right?”
\n“I like how you went from confidence to asking for confirmation.”<\/p>\n
“Seriously, I think that was the best way I’ve ever tortured a werewolf in-character.”<\/p>\n
“They came out with a sequel to Ben Affleck? Yeah, they call it Matt Damon!”<\/p>\n
“It’s not my fault I didn’t write down the plan.”
\n“You write down everything else, Kacey!”<\/p>\n
“I did. I had to deliver my own retort.”<\/p>\n
“I lube him up and slide him slowly, so he doesn’t have to roll any dice.”<\/p>\n
“I’m as noisy as the blind man. You know, the reason he’s so loud is because of the cane.”
\n“Tak, tak, tak. What IS that?”<\/p>\n
“Two dice in three months, and I got a two and a twenty.”<\/p>\n
“Why are there always spinning blades in these things? This episode was badly written.”<\/p>\n
“I have low-light vision on the helmet. I can’t use it… but I have it.”
\n“Quick! Give me your helmet!”<\/p>\n
“No, HE threw the tornadoes. I just made them sharp.”<\/p>\n
“You don’t have a silencer on that thing?”
\n“You told me to shoot it!”
\n“I thought you had a silencer!”
\n“Do you see a fucking silencer?!”<\/p>\n
“We had a brilliant plan, and I ruined it!”<\/p>\n
Important note for the night: “Blasters are loud.”<\/p>\n
“You guys climb him – er, pull him into the ventilation shaft…”<\/p>\n
“We will liberate you from this classless job! How would you like to see the universe?”<\/p>\n
“Where are we going to find optics unused?”
\n“I don’t know. Maybe in my helmet?”<\/p>\n
“Backpedal faster! It’s not working!”<\/p>\n
“Everybody leave! I have to poop! NOW!”<\/p>\n
“You can’t fit! You can’t have Vegan Lemon!”<\/p>\n
“She’s in the Lando seat…”<\/p>\n
“Somebody grab the tarp!”
\n“You stay out of this!”<\/p>\n
“Because I knew it was going to be bad.”
\n“When has it been bad?”
\n“When has it been GOOD?!”<\/p>\n
“It’s neutral towards you! Not amourous!”
\n“No, it’s friendly.”
\n“Yeah, you have to buy it another drink first…”<\/p>\n
“This isn’t going anywhere.”
\n“Sure it is. It’s going on Twitter.”<\/p>\n
“A Swedish Wookiee?”<\/p>\n
“I don’t know. He looked at me and said “um.” I panicked!”<\/p>\n
<insert five minutes of “you killed a mouse droid”, with varying emphasis><\/p>\n
“I sue for custody!”
\n“You can’t sue for custody!”
\n“Can he sue for custardy?”<\/p>\n
“Kacey killed a Stormtrooper. Does anyone care?”
\n“No. The inflection doesn’t work right.”<\/p>\n
“What? Stop looking at me like I know what I’m doing!”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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