“See, you guys have heard of the face on Mars, right?”
\n“Clearly, this is the other end.”
\n“The butthole of Australia.”
\n<\/p>\n
“Also, aren’t there three monsters right over there that are going to interfere with all the planning?”<\/p>\n
“They’re capricious.”
\n“I’m sorry, what?”
\n“Sometimes dangerous.”
\n“Imminently shootable.”<\/p>\n
“You have large, meaty, country-ham-sized fists!”
\n“Excuse me, I’m French. My fists are not country-ham-sized. They’re – ”
\n“Baguette sized?”<\/p>\n
“Can you convince them to leave? Or better yet, can you convince them to take the bomb to the poop hole?”<\/p>\n
“We can talk to them.”
\n“That’s literally what I just said. Those are literally the words that are coming out of my mouth.”<\/p>\n
“Oh, it’s grown a weapon. I was hoping it was growing a tennis racket.”<\/p>\n
“You don’t need a high number. You just need faith in your dice.”<\/p>\n
“Nobody puts Stanley in a box.”
\n“Twice.”<\/p>\n
“Guy was forced into the box.”
\n“Coerced.”
\n“Yes. Because we didn’t push him into the box.”
\n“Because I was on the other side of a lightning field.”<\/p>\n
“So you pulled it out of your ass.”
\n“No, we pulled it out of that ass.”<\/p>\n
“I’m trying to decide whether or not to tell them that they recommended killing the Frenchman for success. Because the party may just say, ‘Okay.'”<\/p>\n
“Now that we’re done with the cheshire faeries…”<\/p>\n
“I think he’s drunk.”
\n“He might just be sober.”
\n“I’m not sure which is worse.”<\/p>\n
“What is it when you roll exactly twice your skill number?”
\n“Failure.”<\/p>\n
“You’re playing Call of Cthulhu. Your character is almost dead.”<\/p>\n
“So there are a bunch of people in a pit, and you want to throw dynamite into it.”
\n“I don’t know that they’re people.”<\/p>\n
“Is that – ”
\n“Spirits.”
\n“Oh. I thought it was chloroform.”<\/p>\n
“Do you want me to knock her out?”
\n“You mean assault her?”
\n“I knocked you out when you were hysterical.”
\n“You assaulted me!”<\/p>\n
“Why are you whispering?”
\n“I’ve been told I’m very loud for a Frenchman.”<\/p>\n
“You’re very accommodating. Have people told you that before? Because it seems to be new.”<\/p>\n
“You can talk normal.”
\n“Okay!”
\n“Not that normal.”<\/p>\n
“Will dynamiting it destroy it or make it angry?”
\n“I don’t care. Dynamite it.”<\/p>\n
“I’m here to throw dynamite and eat pancakes, and I’m out of pancakes.”
\n“I’m gluten-intolerant.”<\/p>\n
“I was saving it for the butthole.”<\/p>\n
“The fact that the butthole was deemed un-blow-up-able by three nether beings does not reassure me that it’s un-blow-up-able.”<\/p>\n
“He only asked for the dynamite; he didn’t ask for the fuses. Some people!”<\/p>\n
“…And now the Frenchman’s naked.”<\/p>\n
“Just focus on making bacon, and it’ll get you past all the screaming and the smell.”<\/p>\n
“We should argue about whether we go clockwise or counter-clockwise.”
\n“We’re going counter-clockwise.”<\/p>\n
“You’re English, dammit. Say anti-clockwise.”
\n“You’re French. Stop arguing with me.”<\/p>\n
“Having morals always seems like something I want my characters to do, but I always fail.”<\/p>\n
“Walk like a cultist.”<\/p>\n
“Yeah, I know. You people have done nothing but bitch about my homeland.”
\n“Have you seen it?”<\/p>\n
“Are you going to say that every time we encounter something now?”
\n“Yes, because you people are weird.”<\/p>\n
“In the middle of the area, there’s a massive cone.”
\n“I bet that’s the jar.”
\n“I bet that’s a polyp.”
\n“I bet that’s sand.”<\/p>\n
“Guy, go check it out.”
\n“Guy, don’t go check it out!”<\/p>\n
“Why don’t we throw dynamite down there, and then leave Australia?”<\/p>\n
“But guys… I got fixed.”
\n“Did you? Did you?”
\n“I’m not sure. I hadn’t thought about that.”
\n“Why don’t you think about that?”<\/p>\n
“Why is that breaking Kacey? That is literally the most obvious joke you can make.”
\n“I don’t know! I think it was the delivery…”<\/p>\n
“We’re in a cave in the middle of the desert. Where did you find ice?”
\n“Remember the refrigerator in the house you burned down?”
\n“The one Stanley went into for five years?”<\/p>\n
“I kept my shit together. Granted, I didn’t have it all that together to begin with…”<\/p>\n
“No, he was remarkably sane for an alien.”<\/p>\n
“You know, you do a lot of your best work when you’re unconscious and the rest of the party is in trouble.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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