“As me why the codpiece. Because if he tracks us down, I’ll be able to kick him in the dick.” “Which we have avenged slightly today.”“I just wish I could have gotten the codpiece off faster.”“That’s what she said.” “I got a twelve! Based on a 13! I’m just excited because it’s double digits!” “I’m […]
“They would not kick your ass. They would adjust your ass to smile ratio, sir.” “Nine eats like the tapeworm is hungry.”
“Poked a badger with a spoon. What? It’s an original sin.” “I mean, he’s either going to live or he’s going to get laid.” “I’m very smart! Just because I can’t do math or read doesn’t mean I’m not smart!” “Armin has books and books of math! Did you know there was that much math?” […]
“The cricket remembers!”“That goddamned cricket is holding it hostage.” “I stole more than everybody else. I stole their hearts.” “That’s a magical object. I feel like that’s not safe – ““Could be.”” – For you.”“Could be.” “Magical butt-pluuuug.” “This exact thing is why we cannot have nice things.” “Look, I can do numbers!”“It’s just birds […]
“This is why we can’t put him in a dustpan – there’s too many knives.” “I’m gonna get Darrin on our side.”“Because you’re gonna tear him open and wear him as a suit?” “I’m gonna write it down: 1500 is more than 28.” “It would be hilarious if he turned out to be that dwarf […]
“Electricity? Is that a gnome term?” “Lightning.”“Ohh – lightning! Why didn’t you say so?”“I did!” “I’m not wearing that hat you bought me.”“It’s the nicest thing you own!”“I have nice boots.”“It’s the nicest thing you own.” “Do you not want clothes that don’t itch?”“Your clothes don’t itch?”“Do you not want calluses on your genitals?” “A […]
“That’s what happens when you tie someone up with a performance check.” “Does this have anything to do with your decorative knot-typing?” “He supplies bodies to the colleges in the city. Medical colleges.”“Not bardic colleges.”“That’s a different kind of bodies.”“One hopes they’re alive!” “Can’t really be bothered to remember last week’s perspective.” “Ambrose, can it […]
“The bad kind of water balloon.” “To be fair, four pounds isn’t that heavy, but it’s really going to ruin the lines of my pants.”“You just need to… center it more.” “Don’t argue with the DM when you’re getting a bonus for your backstory.” “Don’t get on my nerves, pretty boy.”“Please don’t give him impossible […]
“I am edging into heroin chic.”“Is that with or without an e?” “I mean, I can fastball special you, if you want.”“‘What’s in the shutters?’ ‘Me.’” “There’s a light.”“It lasts for an hour. Or until I cast it on something else.”“You motherfucker.”“Yeah, I already thought about it.” “Is its butthole sewn shut? Is its mouth […]