“Two Roombas enter, one Roomba leaves! Two Roombas enter, one Roomba leaves!”
“That was great, jerk.”
“Well, that was wonderful, ass-clown.”
“How close is the Star Wars universe to the Futurama one when it comes to animated heads?”
“He was the one I could count on!”
“Once again, Kacey, you seem like a normal and productive member of society – why are you still here?”
“Why’s he on the watch list?”
“He mailed the President a picture of his hair. We don’t know why.”
“General Custard?”
“Is it his last stand?”
“No! It’s my first!”
“But it was legible! And not written in fish!”
“When they go to war against other insurance groups – ”
“We’re not an insurance group. We’re a specialty medical group.”
“Okay, when they go to war with other specialty medical groups…”
“So you compete on… color… like the Klan.”
“NO!”
“Why does it always have to be about black with you?”
“Because I compete on color?”
“Let’s remember the salient point here; you don’t have a scrotum, right?”
“I like how you went from confidence to asking for confirmation.”
“Seriously, I think that was the best way I’ve ever tortured a werewolf in-character.”
“They came out with a sequel to Ben Affleck? Yeah, they call it Matt Damon!”
“It’s not my fault I didn’t write down the plan.”
“You write down everything else, Kacey!”
“I did. I had to deliver my own retort.”
“I lube him up and slide him slowly, so he doesn’t have to roll any dice.”
“I’m as noisy as the blind man. You know, the reason he’s so loud is because of the cane.”
“Tak, tak, tak. What IS that?”
“Two dice in three months, and I got a two and a twenty.”
“Why are there always spinning blades in these things? This episode was badly written.”
“I have low-light vision on the helmet. I can’t use it… but I have it.”
“Quick! Give me your helmet!”
“No, HE threw the tornadoes. I just made them sharp.”
“You don’t have a silencer on that thing?”
“You told me to shoot it!”
“I thought you had a silencer!”
“Do you see a fucking silencer?!”
“We had a brilliant plan, and I ruined it!”
Important note for the night: “Blasters are loud.”
“You guys climb him – er, pull him into the ventilation shaft…”
“We will liberate you from this classless job! How would you like to see the universe?”
“Where are we going to find optics unused?”
“I don’t know. Maybe in my helmet?”
“Backpedal faster! It’s not working!”
“Everybody leave! I have to poop! NOW!”
“You can’t fit! You can’t have Vegan Lemon!”
“She’s in the Lando seat…”
“Somebody grab the tarp!”
“You stay out of this!”
“Because I knew it was going to be bad.”
“When has it been bad?”
“When has it been GOOD?!”
“It’s neutral towards you! Not amourous!”
“No, it’s friendly.”
“Yeah, you have to buy it another drink first…”
“This isn’t going anywhere.”
“Sure it is. It’s going on Twitter.”
“A Swedish Wookiee?”
“I don’t know. He looked at me and said “um.” I panicked!”
<insert five minutes of “you killed a mouse droid”, with varying emphasis>
“I sue for custody!”
“You can’t sue for custody!”
“Can he sue for custardy?”
“Kacey killed a Stormtrooper. Does anyone care?”
“No. The inflection doesn’t work right.”
“What? Stop looking at me like I know what I’m doing!”