“So my plan is, kill the hostages.”
“OK, let me ask you this – can we create an anecdote?”
“Ok, this one time, back in Germany…”
“NO! An antidote!”
“Balloons! We could have done it all with balloons!”
“I never run out of ammo… I have unlimited wits. I’ve never been at my wits end.”
Question of the night: “Is throwing athletics?” (Asked 5 times now…)
“They’re posts… not… posts…”
“You mean guard towers?”
“…Yeah. Language. Right.”
“The nine-foot man is not going to be… but the hostages might…”
“Earnest, calm them down.”
“CALM DOWN!”
“Everybody, cut off your foot!”
“That’s because if I point a gun at you, you’d cut off my arm.”
“It’s not that I don’t suspect you, it’s that I can’t accuse you.”
“I like how nobody’s accusing the psychopath with the knives.”
“That’s why I kick you twice. Click, click.”
“Who set the American on puree, by the way?”
“The good news is, there’s a lot of blood around.”
“You can’t just scoop it up in a bowl and use it!”
“I can…”
“By that I mean that his unconscious form was left laying in front of the door.”
“Take this. … It’s called a radio.”
“I drank the radio! Sorry!”
“At this distance, it looks like vines all over Canada, choking it to death.”
“You should have buried me! Why did you not flush me down the loo?”
“Your fish is one of the fighting Quebecois!”
“Francophonic back-bacon lover!”
“No, this is the 1920s. They only have one truck.”
“Do you have a radio?”
“I do! I drank it, remember?”
“They’ve made their mistake. They’re on my turf.”
“…Weren’t they always on your turf?”
“No, no, he equipped his plane with gay-dar!”
“This mountain has rusted. It’s got tetanus.”
“I’m not sure my phone likes being referred to as ‘semi-intelligent.'”
“That is a manly fucking phone!”
“…Nice curves.”
“Does your husband know you have a phone like that?”
“Because he always has the mixing of a fine martini on hand.”
“And rollerskates!”
“Mei Ling’s dad had a threesome, with twins.”
“Yeah, but you shot the man in his Pollock.”