“Sorry, ‘sinister longboat’…”
“…and aggressive hinges”
“Could be ass water. We don’t know.”
“Charon… who was also a girl I dated in college… she was also a boatman on the river Styx…”
“I’m concerned that my Fire Sauce is stalking me…”
“Kacey, will you touch me?”
“In all the wrong ways?”
“I don’t care.”
“Right, so I banish it with my fists.”
“…And the king is dumb, that’s why it’s a kingdom.”
“What?”
“Just seeing if you were listening.”
“One, I am sickened. Two, I am sickened.”
“This is the part of the evening where I pretend to not know you guys, right?”
“His tentacles are filled with hit points.”
“Human maracas!”
“I’m like, ‘she’s Kiera Knightly’s cheaper, more attractive replacement.'”
“Well, when one brick loves another brick, and the one brick gets down on its knee…”
“Much like a two-channel helicopter, I only ever move forward… and spin out of control.”
“You can’t put her in two bags of holding! They’re not a Halloween costume!”
“Lots of things can breathe water. Very few of them can breathe concrete.”
“…respect evil librarians.”
“Hell, yeah. ‘Ook, motherfucker.'”
“I wanna see it do a stealth-shamble.”
“I could set it on fire, but I’m not sure that would help us in any way.”
“Well, it would fill the room with thick, vicious black smoke…”
“Rhinoceros, go into the tar! That was hilarious! Now on to the real plan!”
“The litch is watching us, going, ‘their solution was to… create a highway?'”
“It’s an undead. It could get back up!”
“It’s a re-dead! It’s not going to get back up!”
“You mean ‘reminiscent’?”
“Yes. Instead of ‘reticent’.”
“You know, if I was an undead litch and someone came up and stuck a finger in me, I would be paralyzed, I’d be so surprised.”
“I offer him… accommodations in my sack.”
“I’m going to put your eye out. And I’m going to pull your brain out your eye-hole.”
“What kind of narcissist do you have to be to carry around your phylactery in your head?”
“Where has he been saving this big damage? I just thought he was a crappy guy with a bow…”
“It’s the Head of Vecna! Quick, cut off your own head and put it on!”
“Oh! Oh god! Why did you crit me in the face?”
“I punch the king once, just to get good use out of the Stoneskin.”
“I’m sorry, Your Majesty, but Stockholm syndrome? Not a good foundation for a marriage.”
“I’m not strapping this to the back of a pig.”
“Well, they need protection, and a roving band of fists is a lot of protection.”
“Oh, there we go. Have the blind guy shoot the stone with a blunt arrow.”
“Aim at my voice and six inches higher. Eight. Eight inches higher.”
“I was going to say, ‘bring out the army of lawnmowers,’ but…”