“It’s D&D on Hard Mode.”
“It’s the eyes.”
“Oh yeah, it is.”
“It’s a legitimate pirate instrument!”
“It is. I wish I’d thought of that.”
“You want to shove my concertina up your ass?”
“We’re going to get this the whole campaign, aren’t we?”
“Yes. Kacey’s going to say something in a Russian accent, the goblin will say he’s hungry, and Yammy’s going to say BLARARARGL.”
“Where are these monsters? Oh. Shit. I assumed I was still drunk.”
“No, it’s common sense! If you find you’ve accidentally press-ganged a pair of monsters…”
“Umm… one.”
“So you can’t even find the rigging.”
“There’s lots of laughing at those of you on the deck.”
“I’m on the deck, but I’m not laughing.”
“Because he chose his name – Saucy Charles Schwab, tax investor.”
“PIRATE tax investor.”
“It’s under the skill.”
“He’s cheating! This isn’t an open book test!”
“For once, I wasn’t the one that died of climbing in the first adventure!”
“Turns out, my math is good… just not my aim.”
“First one to the bottom takes damage points!”
“Each of you will have a job, every day.”
“Do we get a little sailor suit?”
“Can I make Intimidate checks to get people out of my way?”
“Not on the first day, when you failed the first test…”
“The first thing that grabbed you on this boat was a goblin. Now there’s this woman…”
“You know the women are always carnal with me because I dance in the sheets!”
“Kevin, I have to say – failure can be exhausting. I would know.”
“You have to add that to the tweets. ‘I’ve never propositioned someone in fish before.’ And it wasn’t Hawver that did it!”
“What happened to you?”
“I got smaller!”
“You’re orange.”
“I had the hiccups as a child!”
“There are all kinds of horrible things you can do to your shipmates, yes.”
“You’re very pretty while you’re asleep, though!”
“I’ve never gotten a blowjob from a catfish, so I wouldn’t know!”
“I’m not sure you should take advice from the fish!”
“I want to cover you in clams… Wait.”
“Note to self: Dad’s genes mix badly with humans…”
“I’m glad I’m not the only one here.”
“You’re laying in my sick.”
“Well, then we have something in common.”
“This guy is incredibly likeable and yet incredibly repellent at the same time.”
“I hope you noticed that while my pants are well-tailored, they are not fancy.”
“You’re not listening!”
“Amby, I heard you. Go get the vegetable from the poop chute.”
“If you get my meaning. Which I don’t.”
“It’s cool. I have the concertina shoved so far up my butt, I don’t have to squeeze; I just have to fart.”
“I could probably teach you a few things. There’s not nearly enough fish in that quiche. In fact, it should be mostly fish…”
“No, it’s like a baby holding an apple!”
“Baby arm?”
“Yeah, that one!”
“Why is your shiny, illuminated fish penis in my face now?”
“Then all of the sudden I’m in the middle of ‘Family Matters’ and I’m Jody. No, wait, that’s Full House.”