“Leave him there. Fuck him.”
“Mm-kay…”
“Not actually fuck him!”
“He’ll still get in trouble, but he’ll be in the sunlight the whole time.”
“We’ll leave him next to the steering wheel. That’s got to be a refreshing place.”
“We have hogs? I thought we only had goats.”
“We do. They’re right next to the goats. They’re shorter and fatter.”
“I mean, there’s only pig I can see, and we just laid him out on deck.”
“You threw out your accent?”
“Yes. I think it was in the mustache.”
“Hey, fancy-pants. These aren’t gills. These are murder-wounds.”
“This ham tastes like wood.”
“No, that’s the plate. It’s on top of the ham. The ham is below and tastes like shoe.”
“I’ve not received a single hug since I got on this ship!”
“Sorry, I was paying attention to the sparkly, va-jazzled pennies.”
“…Yeah, it’s often like that.”
“…The one that keeps a monster in his trousers.”
“Um… you’re going to have to be more specific.”
“This is my fish-man ‘scorned, scepticim, and panic’ face.”
“No, I’m going to get a life-size arm tattooed on my arm.”
“Shhhh. I’m the spirit of the wind… and rolling pins…”
“It was at Kroger. They were like, ‘Do you want mulling spices?’ And I was like, ‘I don’t know what that is, but hell yeah I want mulling spices.'”
“I was going to say, ‘You’re going to show her your depth charge, aren’t you?'”
“The DC is FIVE.”
“And yet Kacey and I fail SO OFTEN.”
“Thanks, rum! You give GREAT advice!”
“I need a rum hat.”
“You’ve GOT a rum hat!” *points at the rum*
“Tell her you want to sand the splinters off her leg!”
“I blow ass every time I drink the grog.”
“No, that’s blowing chunks.”
“No, I’m usually too passed-out for that.”
“Yeah, but the other guy’s short… orange… I think there’s something wrong with him. I don’t think he’s human.” (He’s a goblin…)
“I will stab him in the forehead with a crowbar to give him a tattoo.”
“I believe that harpoon just became a fish stick.”
“Climb? Are you sure? Can it be something not climbing?”
“Sorry, dude.”
“No, no, you rolled something other than a 6. You should do it more often!”