“This afternoon, I will try to embed my accent back in my mustache.”
“Okay, apparently my brain has shut down but my mouth is still going.”
“So you’ve got Yamarino disease?”
“That’s not sex with a fish man. That’s just sex with a burning hot box.”
“We’ll all pee in the box, if it will help.”
“I let you down. I was too busy laughing at Darryl’s poopus.”
“At least we’re all the same kind of slow…”
“Because I cannot roll as bad as I did today.”
“Um…”
“Does he have 4 turtles he’s taught ninjitsu to?”
“No, he’s not part of a Splinter group…”
“Is that the whore? That’s the one that beat me up. I’m not doing that…”
“Twelve. We’re somewhere between poop jokes and penis jokes.”
“Those are both great kinds of jokes.”
“A team and B team both have a fish man? Dammit!”
“It’s like the Harry Potter movies. It’s horrible screeching until you stick it in the water. Then it’s beautiful singing. Or just horrible screeching.”
“This is… the chronicle of continuing to be effective over here.”
“We’ve moved up in the world from being killed by giant rats to being killed by giant crabs.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re unconscious.”
“I can’t drown!”
“Oh, that’s right…”
“Oh. It won’t let go once it grabs onto something.”
“I’m going to just throw you at each of them…”
“I’m going to cast ‘Soft Mittens’ on the razorclaws…”
“This is the game of the dying fish…”
“Fuck that, man. Mine’s covered in piercings and tattoos.”
“Are they very willful crabs?”
“They are. Except for this one, because that number is ridiculous.”
“I’m fifteen feet away with a box in my hands! LET ME DO SOMETHING!!”
“If I died from the death and not the crabs, I would probably quit the game, because that would mean I rolled less than a 10 on 8 consecutive die rolls.
“Mr. Fantasticrab! I’ve got my next character concept…!”
“I’m going to take the flaccid meat and start swimming to the surface.”
“You! Flaccid meat! Get up in the crow’s nest!”
“I’m going to put the head penis back on the mini…”
“I brought you flaccid fish man. I say we put it in box and take it back to the ship.”
“It’s not hard to lure them away. If you’re conscious.”
“Oh my god! Full health! I’ve never seen you! I feel glorious!”
“I’m a fighter. I mean, I die like a rogue, but…”
“Gilbert R. Fishman, almost died from a spear, but he survived. Almost died from a box, but he survived. Almost died from a crab…”
“Let’s stop the relentless assault of Crabby McCrabberson.”
“If I get assaulted by a dire sea turtle, I would let it kill me.”
“Saucy Charlie Swift, what are you going to do?”
“Heal the fish man… again…”
“I do what’s appropriate on a pirate ship.”
“I grab my nuts, spit…”
“That’s the name of our ship! ‘The Bunghole? Really?'”
“…While I’m down here romancing the stunties.”
“The salts.”
“No, the stunties…”
(half the crew is gnomes & halflings)