“If you enslave your hard drive, I WILL liberate it.”
“No, he’ll buy 8 others and make them work…”
“Do what you feel like you need to do. I already hate you…”
“There’s… umm… 5 feet of open water between you and the enemy.”
[two at once] “JUMP IT!”
“Can I do a sort of jumping charge?”
“Sure, but you have to do this first.” [slaps elbow]
“Fish aren’t known for their superb jumping abilities.”
“Hit them with the flat of the ballista.”
“What if you cut a rope in half and fired it at them?”
“You can’t fire half a rope!”
“No, no, then you can fire it twice!”
“It will be like a logic bomb – they’ll be so confused!”
“Captain, I don’t want to disobey a direct order, but I can’t turn the cannon sideways to fire it.”
“You’re a part of our crew now. You must wear your pants lower!”
“Apparently selling meat from people has become a valid option for us…”
“I will not sell someone into slavery, but meat is meat.”
“Actually, the reason they couldn’t destroy Yavin 4 first is that they put a tarp over it.”
“You’re the captain! You don’t have to say please!”
“He could just sit on the prow! I mean, dogs like to stick their heads out the window…”
“I tell him to suck my cooter.”
“I don’t even wish that on our enemies.”
“…I just leave the ship.”
“You’ve done a beautiful job on it, but your spell checker should be fired.”
“And I am appalled that the vending machine does not take counterfeit coins. This is good Speerspitzan currency.”
“That’s right, gravity. Suck it.”
“Well, next time, don’t hire an anchor!”
“Why are you still here?”
“Stockholm syndrome.”
“I DO like Stockholm. I’m not sure about syndromes…”
“Then why do you collect so many?”
“No. No. The top of my head is not a dice box!”
“Fortunately, his heart has been moved by all the alcohol.”
“No, just pickled.”
“Why are you doing the ‘out of heals’ dance?”
“The ‘out of heals’ dance – so everyone knows.”
“Heyyyy, I discovered returning axes! You throw axe straight up, it comes right back down!”
“I think I’ve eaten two heads today.”
“And that’s why you don’t get a vote.”
“You’re not born with a head in your mouth!”
“It’s shark-dog penis-hands.”
“And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why a low Constitution is bad.”
“I’ve rolled this die twice!”
“Well, quit rolling my dice! They hate you!”
“He took two hits: one from the manticore and one from the floor.”
“You literally have a gun ‘stache!”