“Oh yeah! ‘Cause we’re racist against greasy fish!”
“Yeah, fuck those fish!”
“That’s what the WD-40 is for.”
“And we do have a loveable fish monster!”
“You heard, the captain said it!”
“Oh, I thought he meant Hunter [the shark-dog].”
“Yeah, you can bury treasure; it’s hard to bury a ship.”
“What are all these?”
“Those are islands, captain.”
“I’m not worried about the cannibalism or the slavery, it’s the slime monsters.”
“I hope you guys are buckled in for failure.”
“They are fighting for freedom!”
“Someone put on a kilt and shout…”
“I can only give you 80% of my best. The other 20% is solid drunk.”
“As it is a poor craftsman who blames his tools, and I am an excellent craftsman… I blame the captain.”
“I don’t eat them! I mean, I spit them out. I don’t swallow.”
“Wait, you spit, not swallow? That’s how you know it’s love…”
“Well, he’s never been in love.”
“Why are you still talking? Not a single action you’ve done has helped!”
“You’ve obviously never met a child, have you.”
“Oh, good. Because that’s better – a scary monster running at you with a flailing penis.”
“Hi Marcus. Are you feeling better? Aside from the scary monster that WON’T STOP TALKING?”
“I’m sorry my friend… ahem… the monster scared you.”
“THAT is scarier than the mini!”
“Because he doesn’t have a hat!”
“The fact that he was also doing poorly doesn’t change the fact that you were doing poorly.”
“So next time, the away team will be very different.”
“I hope I’ll be on it.”
“You did fail to stop this.”
“Are we about to abduct a small child?”
“No, he is coming voluntarily.”
“I’ll just hang out back on the ship and pout.”
“No, no, you smell failure coming from the island.”
“Equally, I think you do not know how Chaotic Neutral works. NOBODY does.”
“I sent THESE two. You’d think there would already be a bloodbath.”
“Just because my sheet specifically says ‘pirate clothes’ and I dropped 12 throwing axes does not mean that I am pirate.”
“There’s a lot of things with ‘ass’ that you don’t want to be.”
“Then again, there’s a lot that you do…”
“I’m perfectly fine giving the guard AIDS to get access to the guard room.”
“I’m just disgusted by the vag of Ghoul Fever.”
“And there’s no other way?”
“It’s an entire wall of powder. I don’t have that much pee.”
“What is the end goal of… uh…”
“Winning.”
“Remember, you got someone killed, you asshole.”
“At least I’m important!”
“I remember when owlbears used to mean something.”
“Yeah, I don’t have any balls.”
“The rest of us are covering that for you.”
“Speak for yourself.”
“The way I see it, we have two options: WE get rid of guards on roof, or YOU get rid of guards on roof. If we get rid of guards on roof, probably more blood.”
“I like this plan. Do you know how to do it?”
“Just so we’re clear: when I hit 100 demerits, I am pistol-whipping you.”
“We don’t even have to talk! We’re both on the same page!”
“I actually want you to like me; I just can’t help but hand out demerits.”
“What’s the worst that can happen? We start a whole new adventure path.”
“No, I will be jumping in the water with all your stuff and walk along in the water…”
“Is that a skull and crossed vulva?”
“That would be affirmitive, Captain. I can, in fact, knock down the door from here.”
“Hey, uh… when the tower falls, can we ride it down?”
“If you were going to draw 10 tuns, what would it look like if you stacked it up along a wall in 50 barrels?”
“Just saying – she impregnated guard, and I collapsed tower. I think we did pretty good.”
“Yeah, I don’t think we thought that through.”
“We don’t think ANYTHING through!”