“I think I just walked into something.”
“I think you just sat on a grenade. Does your ass hurt?”
“What is it this time, Bryan? Did you put on Snopes what your real age is?”
“You can’t demote me any farther! I already demoted myself to work under him!”
“Yeah – hey!”
“No, he said he had to wait for some douchebag to call him back at work.”
“John, why didn’t you call him? You douchebag.”
“And all this because you guys forgot about these people all the way down here.”
“Somebody somewhere is taking some goddamn ramming damage today?”
“You guys have a really interesting selective memory about this game; that’s all I’m saying.”
“There was, like, a wink and a nod and a favor involved in that chuckle, because there was nothing funny about that.”
“There was, like, a wink and a nod and a favor involved in that chuckle, because there was nothing funny about that.”
“I love it. They invaded and said, ‘What’s the shittiest thing we can set on fire?'”
“Only because we get really distracted.”
“‘Oooh, shiny! Shiny!’ ‘It’s a fish! Sir, it’s a fish!'”
“Is it bad form to sew *myself* into a hammock with a cannonball?”
“I’m not laughing at the message; I’m laughing at the fact that it was 384 days ago.”
“This message just had its birthday two weeks ago!”
“Were we supposed to get it gifts? This is awkward.”
“Spearchucker Jones is your defense?”
“Can you Sense Motive a wave?”
“You see three rendering vats.”
“They’re making candles for you!”
“I was thinking they were pig hunters. Really LONG pigs.”
“So you were attacked by cannibals, right?”
“He looks nervous. ‘No, lord…'”
“When did we become politally correct pirates?!”
“Pirates are known for being politically correct!”
“Let’s talk about all the ways in which my feelings are hurt right now!”
“Let’s talk about all the ways in which we don’t care!”
“Fish have feelings.”
“You can’t let any of your crew be excused from diversity training!”
“She’s not crew. She’s an officer.”
“This is starting to sound like Monty Python.”
“Starting?”
“I’m pretty sure that started about 20 minutes after we started…”
“Admiral Swift decides to hang the whole island for being traders.”
“Tra-DERs, not trai-TORs.”
“We spy and sell goods.”
“SPY and sell goods?”
“Did I say spy…?”
“Yes.”
“I’m just confused because Kacey knew all the plot points and names and stuff.”
“Because sometimes I fucking pay attention!”
“I’m not a llama!”
“Leader of terrorist llamas!”
“Who doesn’t have talons?”
“Llamas!”
“I’m not a llama! I’m the leader of the llamas!”
“Why don’t we just teach the island to dodge?”
“So in the last 45 minutes, what we have established is that Yamarino is the leader of a group of terrorist llamas and that the island is a sea turtle, and we have not, in fact, accomplished anything towards the plot.”
“Uh, it’s MY island.”
“We can retake it. We took it in, like, a month.”
“I’m going to run a game with a deep and rewarding mystery, and the answer is terrorist llamas, and you’re all going to be disappointed.”
“Whore tunnels are how we won Ravenloft.”
“Uh… I don’t think we WON Ravenloft. I think Ravenloft ate us.”
“I was a sack of fucking maggots thank to that asshole.”
“The three of us? Were my fault.”
“No, no, that wasn’t superstitous; that was handy.”
“Speaking of which, where IS Darryl’s character? I could use some new stuff.”
“It is a statue of a silver bird, and it is mine.”
“Doesn’t it fly back and forth and deliver messages?”
“It does when I tell it to.”
“Give me the fucking bird!”
“Wow… you’re just going to let that one lie…?”
“Thank you, captain, for finally giving me the bird after all these months.”
“This is never going to work.”
“Well, it’s never going to work for different reasons than this.”
“He’s not an acting captain.”
“Yes, he is! He’s a bard; he’s an *acting* captain.”
“Do you need any oils? Not the loving kind; they are not intended for that.”
“Hey, I think we can all be grateful now that if someone says there was an explosion in their pants, there’s an explanation! It was the alchemist!”
“Well, Bryan, only five explosions in your pants this week; I think you’re improving.”
“Well, I’m not in high school any more.”