“This being the internet, I’m sure there are people out there claiming that scopes are cheating.”
“Uh… I agree. Scopes are very disadvantageous to people charging across the battlefield.”
“To be fair, so is aiming.”
“If it makes you feel better, I haven’t trusted you in a long time.”
“I just realized today that you could play a Wraith game where everyone played Patrick Swayze.”
“I’m not playing that.”
“I’m not running that game.”
“That’d be the Swayze-ist Wraith game ever.”
“The first rule of Fight Club is ‘we have Meat Loaf’?”
“Second rule of Fight Club: do not put ketchup on Meat Loaf.”
“He doesn’t like it.”
“Third rule of Fight Club: you can do anything for love, but DON’T DO THAT!”
“Put ketchup on Meat Loaf?”
“I’m also trying not to throw up at the moment.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Well, you knew I was going to get disgusted with you eventually.”
“My hat itches.”
“No, it wasn’t recycled. It was repurposed.”
“You know, the easiest way to grapple with another ship is to slam into it.”
“I think we need to maneuver, Captain. I think we should capsize! I’m not sure what it means, but it sounds cool.”
“Uh… when you do it to yourself, it’s called scuttling.”
“But I need a ship to be a captain!”
“You’ve got a cannon raft. C’mon.”
“Well, phantasmal killers aren’t very bright.”
“What did I tell you about rocking the boat, Bryan? I specifically said, ‘don’t rock the boat!'”
“It’s the Generally Un-Dusted Lucre.”
“I agree with you, but Kevin is entitled to his own opinion. Even if it’s wrong.”
“So does this mean that I have to cancel my game where everybody was going to play members of Queen?”
“That… that’s hurtful.”
“That’s who I am.”
“So I’m going with the Chris Christofferson strategy.”
“Which is what?”
“Sailing away.”
“Oh, I thought that was just a silly hat.”
“See, I’m not the only one with problems!”
“Those are very important things… that have names…”
“It’s very close to 30.”
“What is it?”
“13.”
“On a cosmic scale, 13 and 30 are very close.”
“70 points of damage, sir.”
“REALLY?”
“No, 17 points of damage.”
“On a cosmic scale, they’re very close…”
*sung* “Time traveling damage…!”
“This damage is from the future.”
“Actually, this damage is from the past.”
“Do you have some kind of app that tells you how to sports?”
“I mostly remember that because it won’t make it to Twitter.”
“That is a croissant wrench.”
“I love how you’re not even sitting at the table.”
“Sarah’s character was the final straw. It just seems dangerous.”
“…Restless Leg Syndrome, which is a thing.”
“But only when you’re asleep. When you’re awake, it’s just Leg.”
“We put one more character on this boat, and he’s going to be playing from the bathroom.”
“He’ll be telecommuting…”
“Are you saying that you have incredibly small hands, or are you saying that horses have… you know what? Never mind.”
“He did get a free move action. RIGHT off the ship.”
“Ooo! How about a frozen custard golem?”
“He nearly killed himself with a catapult full of trees.”
“Charley sauce? I don’t want that.”
“Nobody wants that.”
“If you set off its powder keg, it has what we call a bad day.”
“And when you become king, I will continue to do my best to keep you alive, assuming you let me live.”
“I appreciate that!”
“He had a full round to abdicate, and he didn’t!”
“And glittering tar is always going to make the day better.”
“We’ve bedazzled him.”
“We’re going to tar and glitter his ass.”
“The only thing that would make the tar pool better is if it was a pit.”
“Your Majesty, the ship is yours.”
And with that… our pirate campaign ends.