“Was that you?”
“Even if I called it, it still wasn’t me. That’s Thor, my friend.”
“Was that Thor?”
“Probably.”
“Was that your Thor?”
“Why did you touch it? Now it’s on you! If their goal was to get their black squooge on you…”
“Are you actually complaining about that? Are you just jealous you didn’t do it yourself?”
“Maybe?”
“Also, you will probably also hear that, considering you’re the closest thing the party has to a barbarian.”
“I’d touch it, and I’d hear, ‘Get someone else to touch the rock!'”
“Can we leave the spear under a cairn? Because that seems irresponsible.”
“I both like and hate your train of thought there.”
“It’s a magic drawing!”
“I don’t think you understand how magic works.”
“I don’t think you understand how drawing works.”
“The thing is, if it was an evil spear that took him over, he would absolutely tell you that it was a spear of ethics and morality.”
“Oh, you’ve made the land off-tune. It was a high C…”
“You have more hit points than I do; quit complaining.”
“Yeah, that’s how spellcasters work: we get hit once and get really tired of it.”
“Ow! So that’s what pain feels like. I didn’t sign up for this!”
“The bottom of the statue also starts burning.”
“Interesting artistic choice there.”
“If you don’t take it, then it’s not schtullen!”
“He walks behind a tree and disappears.”
“He… leaves?”
“We summoned the gem by throwing the druids on the pyre?!”
“We’ve had dumber ideas, to be fair.”
“I have three jar-shaped dumb things. Which one?”
“The relationship you fixed by being awkward.”
“You’re going to have to be more specific.”
“I am a likable person! It says so right here – oh, god. I’m Hawvering.”
“I checked twice! I don’t have a shovel. I have a seven-headed doll, but I don’t have a shovel.”
“Wait, what are we doing that’s polite?”
“Helping someone out of the grave.”
“No, that’s – when I put someone in the grave, I mean them to stay there.”
“Is this the stone?”
“Yes!”
“Good, because we brought a whole box of rocks.”
“He’s a terrible moral compass. He just wants to make hats.”
“Shoes.”
“Boots.”
“Which they would have taken it with them.”
“The church?”
“What was in it.”
“Did the paupers leave boats?”
“Yes, but they’re rotted and half-sunken into the river.”
“Did they paupers leave doors?”
“Yes, but they’re rotted and half-sunken into the river…”
“You got something against humans?”
“No, I’m just pointing out that those are human skulls and the rest of us are safe.”
“The text is so not prepared for us…”
“So you see, Ravenloft isn’t even a vaguely subtle take on every horror trope ever. This one in particular is just Dracula.”
“So don’t have a daughter that Strahd wants to marry. I’m doing well on that so far.”