“For reference, it’s always my birthday and I’ve always got a new job.”
“Cut the cake, or you’re always going to breathe water!”
“So is my birthday gift to not have people heckle me for my powers…?”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.”
“Your friend might know who did it, or your friend might have done it?”
“Well…”
“Why you gotta put labels on everything?”
“Because I’m the Labeler.”
“Tommy is the fun one.”
“Tommy IS the fun one. He likes bacon.”
“And you brought pizza.”
“Well, I guess since I’m being typecast, sure.”
“Bryan knows I’ll just let innocents die to preserve my dignity.”
“Would you breathe water for a Klondike bar?”
“No.”
“So I roll down the window… and reach into my pocket, and throw 87 cents at him, in the hopes he’ll slip.”
“In DC traffic no less, he’s avoiding the Scorpion.”
“I thought this was Marvel?”
“Make, uh… what would that be?”
“A stupidity roll?”
“Try not to wreck my car. I know I told you to drive, but now I’m regretting it.”
“That’s the thing about this group – we don’t require you to be an expert with the rules, or even be familiar with them.”
“What are dice?”
“Yeah, I’m about to destroy some property.”
“Yeah, that’s MY property!”
“Did you say buttloads or boatloads?”
“Boatloads. C’mon. Boatloads.”
“It turns out that property is a transitive property, and I’m choosing to transfer it right here.”
“It’s surprisingly not difficult to hit a bridge if you want to.”
“I said I was going to fail to not hit something.”
“Humans always butt-dialing me…”
“Actually, yes. I have the most advanced communications array on or near Earth. But I was built in 1945.”
“Seriously, it’s a 50-50 chance whether he was here and he did it, or whether he wasn’t here and we blame him for it anyway.”
“Don’t you kinda have to be a ninja to teach ninjas?”
“No. Those who can’t, teach. This is well-established.”
“Can you give me directions?”
“Yes, where are you?”
“I’m next to the bridge I almost hit.”
“Has he been declawed?”
“Fuck. I’m gonna have to reroll that character.”
“You have death. A lot of death.”
“Kill-bot!”
“Wait, it was Tommy that drove the car to the therapist, but you’re Tyler when you leave. Are you taking the bus?”
“Yes.”
“If it was urgent, I would have taken an Uber.”
“That was weird.”
“What, the gunshot or the hell?!”
“It’s crowded. It’s loud.”
“This is better than hell!”
“‘I asexually reproduce, but I like to have fun!’ That needs to be a conversation starter for you.”
“‘My genital anatomy isn’t compatible with humans, but I like to try!'”
“I like oxygen.”
“Do you like beer?”
“If I’m drinking it! I do not want to go in the dunk tank.”
“All right, buddy. I’m cutting you off.”
“I expect that from him, but you should know by now that you don’t have to say – “
“Tell me that anything good has come from the followers of the Christ.”
“…”
“You shut him down!”
“You say ‘Tezkatlipoka,’ and the Morrigan turns to you and says, ‘Cuddly pooka?'”
“Oh, you’re stealing his powers? I forgot you had that!”
“He’s not just fondling him!”
“Why am I Irish? You took my ethnicity!”
“‘Can I see your resume?’ ‘No, but you can see my character sheet…'”