“Hey, Tezcatlipoca! I haven’t seen you widdle on anything since you saw Cortez and decided you wanted him!”
“Are you ready for your date?”
“No, Optix is horribly unprepared.”
“We don’t care about your character.”
“What is your problem?”
“He can’t get insurance because he’s not a person.”
“You can do computer stuff, right? Can you get insurance? Can you falsify me some better insurance? I need a lower deductible.”
“Do you need it for the date?”
“Yes.”
“You need to think about a better car than my beat-up Chevy Malibu, but yes, you can borrow it.”
“You know, if you’re charming enough, she won’t care about what kind of car you have.
“You need a better car.”
“I’ve generated new subroutines. I’ve been calculating worst case scenarios for tonight.”
“So you’ve created anxiety.”
“So have you calculated the possibility that she might encounter someone at the show that she might like more than you?”
“Yes. It is 83%.”
“It totally doesn’t matter. At this point, he’s going to show up at her door as a bag of marbles.”
“Is this under the guise of ‘be yourself’?”
“Usually, I do not have a penis… However – “
“That was a really long pause there.”
“You lose no karma for calling Jason a mother-effer.”
“You know, Bryan. If I were a cruel person, I would suggest that he needs to download a new subroutine for a different voice, and that what it is should be according to the GM’s roll.”
“On my planet, we execute the blue ones.”
“Pick an appropriate stat, roll horribly, and butcher your date.”
“I have 69 karma left.”
“That seems auspicious for your date.”
“Is that actually one of your characters, or is that a supervillain?”
“Yes.”
“But he comes back angrier.”
“That’s future-XAIR’s problem!”
“He’s not going to be the sorcerer supreme – he’s going to be the sorcerer deluxe, which is like the supreme, but with cheese instead of sour cream.”
“See, you’re going to be a sorcerer… adequate. A sorcerer totally average.”
“The important thing to remember about his character is that he’s Greeen Lantern if he was a sentient power ring.”
“So yes, we will save this club with your car.”
“As one really big brick.”
“This is super not my fault.”
“This is entirely your fault. Every last bit of it.”
“I’m going back to my couch – ok, to somebody’s couch.”