“So are we lucky if you found the Inquisition or unlucky?”
“Because right now I’m having a crisis of faith, in that I think I might have one after all…”
“And I know everyone there by disease.”
“By disease?”
“By diagnosis.”
“You have a job in the future; you know because you’ve seen it?”
“Well, yeah. Surely one of them was in the future.”
“Don’t you remember that time in the future where I paid you back for this?”
“I am diagnosing people with things they never even imagined they wanted to have!”
“They look at me with a strange look on their face… and I think it’s spreading, because I see it everywhere I go now.”
“Two. Eleven. That is either an 11 or two hash marks.”
“Fire. There’s a fire. It’s over here. It’s going to kill the spiders, so get out of its way.”
“You know what, man? Beerios are a thing.”
“And then it finally roars to life. Roars to life like an asthmatic tiger.”
“Didn’t even have to refresh the duct tape.”
“At least he’ll work on your car. I have to take my hybrid 2 cities over.”
“Please. Stop. Unbolting. The. Carburetor.”
“When’s the last time you ate?”
“What time is it?”
“One.”
“Thursday. What day is it?”
“…Thursday?”
“Great.”
“I get out my wallet and put the Sweet and Low in it.”
“You have a wallet?”
“Yeah! It’s got Sweet and Low in it.”
“Wait, is this the Thursday before Tuesday or the Thursday after Tuesday?”
“…Yes.”
“I’m not really sure when I am right now.”
“I’ve got a pocket full of Sweet and Low.”
“I didn’t say a non-sugar sweetener daddy!”
“I see who’s got the sugar in that relationship. And the non-sugar sweetener.”
“If I have to apologize to every character I’ve been awful to in roleplaying games, it’s really going to delay my therapy.”
“How many colors of duct tape does he have?”
“Two. Silver, and ‘been in there way too long.'”
“Did you say cat bed or cat bib?”
“I said cat bed, but I meant litter box.”
“If they’re going to Chorizo Burrito, they’re getting more than 19 ounces of gas.”
“So this weird idle chitchat goes on for like 45 minutes.”
“Oh, we can keep it going longer.”
“Look, you told me to play a garbage human being.”