“So what you’re saying is, as building materials go, you do not recommend Sweet N’ Low packets for stability in the long term.”
“But she was allergic to fish. That’s different than dying of puking out fish.”
“It is in fact the opposite of dying by fish puking. It’s dying of fish retention.”
“I want to know if anybody’s given birth to a fish.”
“Nobody’s given birth – What?! Why would you ask that?”
“So it’s like a tapeworm that turns into a koi?”
“They are in fact slightly red, lightly striped herring.”
“Planetary shift. Plate tectonics. We are now the new Bermuda Triangle.”
“Now, I don’t know if this is a thing, but Edith would go on and on about it, but maybe Mercury is in Gatorade.”
“No, I’m not saying all puking stops because you’re standing there with a pan full of water.”
“Doc, I have an idea…”
“But who’s mis-assembling fish and putting them in people’s stomachs.”
“So Jesus is trying to feed the world from inside out.”
“Wait, THIS week we’re not getting anywhere?”
“I think you might have overdone the lights a little.”
“I built this when I was high.”
“I didn’t ask if anyone had two points, Bryan; I asked if anyone had one!”
“I’m an overachiever.”
“Let’s go with that.”
“Let’s go with Rick is the most uncouth character I can think of.”
“You’re probably better with it than I am. I’ve found I can just about shoot the side of a barn if I’m inside it.”
“I’ve gotta go through my album collection and figure out what rock anthem is gonna kill this thing.”
“Does anyone have Bluetooth?”
“This one here. Needs some work.”
“The only thing Enya is going to do is drive everyone here away.”
“I’m too dumb to be afraid.”
“I feel like if this is a game where everything can be solved using the power of rock, Kacey’s not trying very hard.”
“Are you amused or distracted by the new choral session…?”
“Somehow, I ended up playing the bard…”
“What made you realize that fire was bad? The three times we burned down my friend’s house?”
“Fundamentally, you’ve just become a bidet.”
“By the power of Christ, I give you an enema!”
“It does not have ballistic wings.”
“Hereafter to be referred to as the Shroud of Curin’.”
“How much does therapy cost?”
“Less than a shotgun. More than a shotgun?”
“I inherited the shotgun.”
“Look, afterbirth plus holy water equals healing. Right?”
“I’m between arsons right now.”
“That’s right, I measure everything in gorillas.”
“Roger lives there!”
“He won’t mind!”
“It’ll grow back. It did the last time.”
“At some point, the man-bat-demon-thing has to take some responsibility.”
“No, fleshy bits on’t do well in cigarettes or tea.”
“I was so excited when I realized that I could put a red herring in a red herring story.”
“You cannot take a breather when you’re unconscious. You’re already as restful as you can be.”
“I have a conscience!”
“Is it named Roger?”
“He’s discovered Buddhism! OMvv, OMvv…”
“Look, when you get up to speed, you can see out the back window. It’s fine!”
“I didn’t realize you could fit a bicycle in your trunk.”
“Body… bicycle… Same difference.”
“I’ll give you a dollar.”
“Let me see the dollar.”
“Padre, give him a dollar.”
“How did you get ‘fish dentist’ out of that? I heard ‘fish penis.'”
“How do you know what fish penis tastes like?!”
“I like the way you’re thinking. At this particular time and not any other.”