“Are you sure it’s not a mirror?”
“There’s five of us.”
“Three, sir!”
(deep sigh)
“My darkvision is better than yours!”
“It’s artificial…”
“I was going to try diplomancy to begin with.”
“Huh?”
“I don’t understand.”
“Notice how I volunteered you for the stabbing.”
“Notice how I was standing at the front.”
“Notice how I’m standing at the back.”
“Transmutation. My specialty.”
“Is it?”
“That’s what I tell myself.”
“Someone grease the wizard.”
“That’s why we bring chicks into the dungeon – in case there’s any heavy lifting.”
“You could shrink the ram down.”
“That was an accidental side effect, not an actual spell I know.”
“You’re a wizard; you can research it!”
“Sure. I’ll just set up camp for a year.”
“I go through the door.”
(distracted pause) “But how…”
“Turn the knob – “
” – open the door – “
” – I turn the doorknob – “
“…No, I mean the book.”