“His attendance is rather like the question of Schrodinger’s cat.”
“The title is ‘When the DM is playing a completely different game.'”
“That’s every game with us.”
“I know! I’m hoping it has a cure!”
“I guarantee that if we get him a cake, he won’t be here.”
“He won’t be here whether we get him a cake or not.”
“What does it mean when he has the power of an eclipse?”
“No, it’s all PR. He can only summon one every two years or so.”
“All right, who’s texting @jhawver, ‘We’re turning in your character, and he’s full of bees’?”
“My personal favorite was Jane. I was going to shoot her in the ball sack to start the hentai over there.“
“Now see, now we’ve squirreled. It’s contagious.”
“It’s an interesting place to start – on the 86th floor.”
“I’m not a professional arsonist.”
“I assume I’ll be able to clean it up?”
“We have a janitor. He comes in after. He appears in a burst of soap.”
“This went sideways way faster than I expected.”
“I just want you to understand that you signed up for what’s about to happen.”
“Would you mind putting me down?”
“Yes.”
“If we’re here for something specific, we’ve got this guy over a barrel. Or over an 86th floor.”
“I think that’s the third time anyone’s ever accused me of being civilized.”
“Right. The only thing next to my lips is his asshole. Unless he’s developed eyeball in asshole technology, I think we’re safe.”
“As a subject in a program like the one that created Captain America, I must say… that’s not America’s ass.”
“It’s stronger.”
“I promise on my honor as the villain.”
“Yeah, now you’re definitely not getting put down.”
“It was either that or I carry you like a baby. Both of us will be losing dignity with that.”
“There’s no security guards outside the door.”
“Aww. I put a new clip in and everything.”
“It would seem you’ve been bamboozled. That’s the right word, right?”
“Why are you asking me?”
“I’m going to go with it.”
“I suddenly feel smarter.”
“We had contingencies.”
“Was it crazy people in power armor?!”
“We’ve seen this before! You two can’t work on this, and you can’t be here at all!”
“What kind of madman keeps fire in his treasure vault?!”
“Vikings.”
“I thought, ‘Unearthly. I can’t fail.’ And then I rolled a 13.”
“But we’re expendable. We’re like Pringles.”
“XAIR worships him as a god?”
“Have you heard him play a guitar?”
“So you take 50 minus 50 damage.”
“So do you get a karma hit for littering?”
“I’m curious whether you get a karma hit for leaving Surtur on the moon.”
“There’s your infinite power: 1 mm of Surtur, trapped in a portal.”
“I mean, monstrous shapeshifting. Are you really sure I was dusted and didn’t just shapeshift into dust?”
“I’m wondering why I just carried you out of the building.”