“But there is a tactical use when we’re not in combat with Greyshame. When he’s being snotty, we can just send him away for a minute…”
“I wasn’t snotty!”
“It was an opinion full of snot.”
“…Accurate. I’ll allow it.”
“No, really – kneel to the bongo drums.”
“We didn’t create that. We watched some idiot create that.”
“Why do I feel like we might need the moon for something…?”
“You spent the last six months convincing me to marry you.”
“No, I spent the last six months convincing you I was marriable.”
“We were gone for a year. We kept them safe from us for a year.”
“I need you to teach me how to say ‘I told you so,’ because I have a feeling I’m going to need it later.”
“Cheryl is so done with our bullshit.”
“Like six months ago.”
“Like four years ago.”
“If he was a bard, I would get him boots of dubstep.”
“So you’re gonna kill dryad babies?”
“For the sake of half-orc halfling babies?”
“I am glad we have so many volunteers. Married people can go first. Betrothed to the front, singles to the back.”
“That’s all we needed to do: inflate his ego.”
“To be fair, there’s nothing we can do that won’t inflate his ego.”
“You guys and your fancy +0s.”
“Aglion, how do you respond to all this abuse?”
“With whining, mostly?”
“When do I hit my sweet spot?”
“When you give me my wedding gift.”
“We heard Splitboulder was here; we’d like to kill slightly more people than he did.”
“Oh, I’m great at talking.”
“I thought we weren’t picking a fight.”
“Which offensive mask do you want to wear this time?”
“If only we had all those extra halflings.”
“My people are not bargaining chips!”
“Or snacks.”
“Nowhere in there is ‘I’m careful with how I word things.'”
“See, this is why I’m not negotiating. Because this would be ‘I’m offering you your life.'”
“Because that went so well the last time. There were volcanoes and running…”
“I didn’t have anything to offer the moon; you think I have anything to offer a spider?”
“The people that made mistakes are exactly Bryan’s kind of people.”
“Exactly.”
“I feel like we’re setting a bad precedent: magic items are made of people.”
“It was supposed to be a dump stat, not a dumb stat.”
“Wait, are we making an axe or a hammer? Because I’m pretty sure we just made a chair.”
“Halflings invented butt sex – what?”
“As contraceptive.”
“Yes!”
“Okay, we’ve made a moon-killing weapon.”
“Now we’re going to Disneyland?”
“You know, I never write down what you say.”